Friday, August 26, 2011
Leaning, Leaning ...
We are praying for the East Coast as Hurricane Irene nears...
We believe this storm is not a coincidence...It is a severe mercy intended to provoke hearts toward repentance--
and back to WHO is
FIRST
--Love for God-- first -- and a seeking of understanding and knowing of who He is and what He feels and wants for us on a personal level and for our country. ...
to shake us .... and to wake us
up...upwards in our hearts to Him again...
There are many,many in America who need to turn from their own ways and seek God's leadership and fathering over their lives... (even for those who go to church and who believe that the Bible is true) ...a turning back is in order...we believe this storm and the earthquake are not a coincidence...or an unusual "happening"
We believe God is asking,
"Who do you say that I AM?"
We each have to answer this question. It is before us every day.
For those of you who love and seek God...who may find yourselves in the path of this storm...we have a testimony of the wonder and goodness of How God is a refuge to those who seek Him.
--I'm not talking about a one time cry out and then a forgetting of His face but for those who LEAN on Him...this is for you...
...this is also for those who want to turn away from their own way...who feel an awakening in their mind,emotions, and spirit as they trace the storm line on the T.V. with their eyes... and who may have felt the earth shake under their feet this week...and felt weight...a shaking...in their hearts...
Its time!...
...to turn away from selfishness and greed, from days spent on our own thoughts and ways with no consideration of what God's heart and ways are...
From drawing lines against Israel.
For being complacent in not standing for her...
(PLEASE be in prayer over the decisions our government will be making in the next 30 days regarding the lines in Israel)
For the same complacency with the horrors of human trafficking or abortion--the blood that calls up from our ground...
For dullness of heart toward God...for no love or worship toward Him...and yet we were constructed to worship so we instead turn our worship to materialism, Social Networking, and Pleasures and Business that fill up the hours of our day...
Turn back! Tonight!!! You can hide yourself in the name of Jesus, America...I love you, and that's why I speak so strongly here today...
We have a testimony about Jesus.
In May 2010...a devastation flood came to the Nashville area...
It was one of the severe mercies or judgements that He is allowing to come to America, to awaken her...back to Him...
God's beloved live in each these regions. We have heard miracle story after miracle story of how God protected the apple of His eye --those who seek Him first, not perfectly but in their way of living He is first--have been kept in obvious ways in Earthquakes in California,in floods in America, during Katrina,in Tsunamis in Myanmar, Tornadoes in Joplin...I would love to tell the stories we have heard ...they are beautiful..and fill us with courage...I will tell some... we see God's hand bringing labor pangs to the Earth as well as preparing the beloved heart of His bride all in the same stories...
Our Story
Our neighborhood in Franklin, TN, a suburb south of Nashville, is backed by the Harpeth River. One afternoon as it rained and rained the river went over the 100 flood plain line and then the 200 year plain..."No..it couldn't be...we watched from back streets and windows in our kitchens and bedrooms as the water filled our neighborhood swimming pool, then crested over the soccer fields, then rolled down the road from the club house toward the 200 homes in its path..
Within a few hours it crept toward the home we had brought so many of our babies home to
...foot
by
foot...
...soon flowing down our street.. filling up the land up to our mailbox level...
Times like this move too quickly and at the same time feel like a terrible slow motion movie--like you are watching yourself and experiencing this trauma all at the same time...by early evening...
The National Guard carried away our neighbors to places of safety...many neighbors of these 200 homes doubled up with the rest of the homes in our large neighborhood...many neighbors suddenly became roomates in the other 200 or so homes nearby...some had to flee in canoes..and on ATV's and boats...
Richard says, after he gathered our family into safety, that God burned on his heart to now turn and head back into the rising waters to find who may still be in the homes in our street. "I'm going with you!!" Our 8th grader, Graham insisted. Richard and I exchanged the same glance. We knew it was dangerous and at the same time saw the light of God's zeal and love in our young teens' eyes. "Let's get out there, son." They waded out into the night.
My 6 foot 5 inch husband waded through flood waters that by now were up to his waist, Graham's chest. By this time the river water had a current in it and all sorts of debris...gasoline...cat litter boxes...toys...trash...home items...all brushed alongside them...Their hearts were captivated with the those trapped and too weak to get our of homes...they carried out the elderly, helped a precious lady and her children that rented this home of ours at the back of the community get out, they found handicapped who were tethered to machines and chairs,hoisted little children on Graham's back and Richard's high shoulders, wrestled with and took scratches from terrified pets as they removed them from the pushing flood...these were the treasures to be saved of this night...
Dry, inside a home we had previously joked over, calling it, "The Ark" for it had so many dormer windows, one for every one of my children and foster children :)that year, we waited out that night in worship...
We claimed God as our Shepherd...we prayed in the name of Jesus...we LOVED Jesus...we claimed His blood's power over us...we sang in the refuge of God's "wings"...
He shook us and flooded us with... LOVE and TRUST and ADORATION of His leadership and goodness in a way that simply did not "match" the circumstances..
All through the watches of the night, I snuggled our eight children on the floor in the living room, and sung and prayed with worship praise from a 24/7 prayer and praise prayer meeting going on online.
As the children slept, I worshiped...I asked for God's hand to cover His beloved ones... and as I sat before Him, He flooded MY HEART...with His warm Presence...and with His love...all night long..
I listened in awe to the power of God's hand as the flood poured over us, He spoke back to me,
He really did.
He began by pressing an entirely new request on my heart. I could actually SEE in my heart what He was pressing on me to ask for. It was so powerful. He gave me this picture of a Shepherd with a long staff, standing in my backyard, I knew the Shepherd was Jesus and that I was to ask Him to put down His staff in the water...that, like the Red Sea, the waters would obey Him...I also felt strongly led to ask that the waters would not cross the threshold of our home...I did not know why I felt this so strongly on my heart but I prayed for these things many times that night...
Richard came in around 2 in the morning, covered with mud and oil and who knows what other substances that had been floating in all of that flood water..Most of his clothing he just discarded...after cleaning off..exhausted, Richard knelt next to me in the living room with all of our sleeping lambs there... there we waited...ON..so different than just waiting...we believed and bowed down to worship Jesus and to wait...on Him...
During the early morning hours...way before dawn...God's quiet voice spoke this clearly to my heart:
"Therefore let everyone who is godly pray to you while you may be found; surely when the mighty waters rise, they will not reach him."
"Therefore, let all the godly pray to you while there is still time, that they may not drown in the floodwaters of judgment."
"Therefore let everyone who is godly offer prayer to you at a time when you may be found; surely in the rush of great waters, they shall not reach him."
(Psalm 32:6)
and I stood upon it...it was a clear "NOW" Word of promise for our family.
I claimed it for us, for an neighbor who needed encounter from Jesus, and specifically for another family that God pushed and pushed on my heart that night ...I prayed for many but these were the lambs God laid promises on my heart for that night...
We had to wait for 3 days
To see what had happened to our home.
And, on that third day, as we waded to the back of neighborhood that day... we saw devastation...the majority of the homes around us were completely flooded--they had taken water all the way up to the 2nd story of their homes.
And at our home...the water had come to the yard...and then had stopped...at the threshold of our door...although it had filled the crawlspace and a garage area...not a drop entered in. There was a visible line where the water had held back at each of the three entrances to the home.
The only other dry home on the block was our neighbor who we have interceeded for over 10 years...as we gave one another a tearful hug the next day, our words were:
Gillian "Oh, we were PRAYING for you!! Look what God has done!!"
Neighbor "I KNOW you were praying. I KNEW you were that NIGHT!! I FELT it, Gillian!! and you know what? I WAS PRAYING. The night of the flood I was praying to God, to Jesus, and (he whispers) to the Holy SPIRIT!!"
May the storms of life--May the shaking s cause us to get down to worship.
Hide yourself in Jesus. Worship Him, consider Him, even as the storms come, let them tenderize your heart for Him and you will experience His glory. He IS our only refuge in the storm.
Oh, East Coast, we love you. We look forward to hearing your testimonies of how you ran into God and found refuge. Press into Him ~ He watches over His beloved in wondrous ways.
Love, Gillian
P.S as I write this, my little daughter, Ava (5 years) is singing, "You are my rock and there is no other!,You are my ROCK!!"
The LORD is good, a strong refuge when trouble comes. He is close to those who trust in him.
(months later I discovered what the staff means in the Bible. That it is a symbol of authority and leadership...the threshold represents the place where the diety of the home resides--to cross it would be to cross the god of the home--God was directing me that night to ask for his LEADERSHIP and to claim Him as our shepherd, as the only TRUE GOD ~ the authority of our home)
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Oh, HELP us, Jesus
If we are a friend of God we will love the poor from our heart, through correct thinking,in loving and specific action,in selfless giving...for as we give to them...we are giving to the Kingdom of God's ROYALTY. The way we love the poor is literally the way we love God.
He who is kind to the poor lends to the LORD, and He will reward him for what he has done.
Proverbs 19:17
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
The Pursuit...always the Pursuit...
And now these three remain:
FAITH, HOPE, and LOVE.
But the greatest of these is LOVE.
(I Corinthians 13:13)
...THIS
is our new family secret...
is our new family secret...
We have a green plant that we use as a center piece on our dining room table. It is a simple houseplant with cheery spreading green "arms" and heart leaves.
Each night conversation, laughter, and singing,and prayer flows over this little humble plant as we sort through the days' business, lessons, trivia, triumphs, stories, and testimonies. And at the end of the meal we purpose to make sure we have fed everyone REAL,LIVING FOOD that keeps us ever-full and nourished--God's Word.
We bring verses that have impacted us in our day with the Lord and share them...or listen to one of the littles read a chapter that they have been reading in their cute lispy way...or we memorise a verse all together...or sing a verse together...
...the Holy Spirit will press on one of us to open up a piece of the Word and share it/ digest it with whoever God has brought to our table that evening. The corporate "chew" is an incredible dynamic.
I have learned and been taught by every member of my family here. For there is no "JR. Holy Spirit"!! He can speak through a child powerfully and clearly ~ maybe even more so than the adults many times! We are a flowy family more than a systematic one--so each night looks REALLY different but is rich and precious ~ truly alive. Then, after Word, we "work out" this word in worship in the living room--or I could say, since what God is doing here is so organic--our Word time that vines around the table springs into blooming,fruitful praising worship in our living room...
Before dishes...before bed... THIS...is my favorite portion of the day...
Recently, our fresh green "friend"lost a few leaves the night after our day spent picking blueberries this week. But for a very noble purpose! (Aren't the humble so often used for noble means?) :)
We love the Hebraic model of teaching aka. asking questions. As we impart things to the children. Our time had gone something like this:
"What was it like to find fruit on the blueberry bushes today?"
Oh, YES...EATING the fruit...that's best part for sure!!
"What was it like to see your bucket filling up with fruit?"
"What do you plan to do with all of that fruit?"
"What happens to a bush that is picked?"
YES! It makes MORE fruit..!"
"What about the branches that did not have fruit on them? What about them?"
"Why do you think they did not have fruit?"
You know...JESUS spoke about gardening and pruning and picking and fruit...does anyone know about this?
And God moved the conversation to our little plant on the table...and at this point our little friend lost two leaves for the betterment of our hearts!! :)
"AW! Don't pick off her leaves!!"
"But what do you think will happen to these leaves? Can we reattach them?
Are they getting that good life from the roots of our little plant or from the vine?
What's going to happen to these little leaves?" Lets watch them for a couple days and see... (...hint...for those who want to know...shrivel...shrivel...shrink...dry...dust....Poor little leaves...)
And now for the Word...Children, did you know there are SECRETS in the Bible? God says that if we seek Him out, He will be found and He will share the secrets of His heart with us ~ the secrets of the KING!! We are going to hide ICor. 13:13 in our heart.
It is a SECRET to life.
To ABIDING...
In Christ...
In anything that we are doing whether it is getting along in our family, or doing our work jobs, or in friendships or talents, we can ask this question of ourselves:
"Are we growing in Faith (in this area), Is (this area) full of hope to God? Do we see more and more love (here, in this area?) Let's take LOVING YOUR BROTHER as an example (hee!hee!~it had been kinda a rough day for this!!) You could love God in your room or anyplace and just lift up in your hands your love for your brothers~ you could ask yourself, "Did I grow in faith with God in the way I loved my brother today?...Or in the way I forgave my brother today?...cause growing in Faith is actually more important than being right about the card game..."How about my love, God? Did I grow in love with you today?"
Jack relates..."you know...its like God is always there but you have to accept Him and let His love grow UP,UP,UP around you. You gotta CHASE it down...like when I chase Bruik around the house!!!"
Bruik beams with pleasure.
"Yeah, you gotta chase love down"
And we read that NEXT verse about "pursuing love"... (later he dances this out in the Spirit in the living room...(see video below)
Then it is 10 year old Anderson who makes this connection. "OH! and when you find out that you need to love more you will realise that you JUST DON"T have the love you need. Then you are like the little green leaves on this plant...as long as you STAY close to Jesus,stay near to Him and repent from what is not love...HIS love will flow THROUGH you...it won't be work! The leaf just rests on the vine!!!" He puts his head on the table and grins. :)
"Whoa! " He rests...in knowing...in loving...in connecting with the one who brought this revelation to his heart...then...
"You know what? I found out today that I never have to be bored!"
All eyes on Anderson--after all we have been stuck in the house ALOT on 110 heat index days in Missouri summer heat. "All I need to do is to go in my room and turn on worship music on the radio and sing to God...and I'm never bored!" (and you are abiding my son...)He bounces over to our computer and puts worship music on REALLY loudly and I do not dare turn it down for the children are all so ready to dance...and we flow into worship...
Untitled from gillian tucker on Vimeo.
"What was it like to find fruit on the blueberry bushes today?"
Oh, YES...EATING the fruit...that's best part for sure!!
"What was it like to see your bucket filling up with fruit?"
"What do you plan to do with all of that fruit?"
"What happens to a bush that is picked?"
YES! It makes MORE fruit..!"
"What about the branches that did not have fruit on them? What about them?"
"Why do you think they did not have fruit?"
You know...JESUS spoke about gardening and pruning and picking and fruit...does anyone know about this?
And God moved the conversation to our little plant on the table...and at this point our little friend lost two leaves for the betterment of our hearts!! :)
"AW! Don't pick off her leaves!!"
"But what do you think will happen to these leaves? Can we reattach them?
Are they getting that good life from the roots of our little plant or from the vine?
What's going to happen to these little leaves?" Lets watch them for a couple days and see... (...hint...for those who want to know...shrivel...shrivel...shrink...dry...dust....Poor little leaves...)
And now for the Word...Children, did you know there are SECRETS in the Bible? God says that if we seek Him out, He will be found and He will share the secrets of His heart with us ~ the secrets of the KING!! We are going to hide ICor. 13:13 in our heart.
It is a SECRET to life.
To ABIDING...
In Christ...
In anything that we are doing whether it is getting along in our family, or doing our work jobs, or in friendships or talents, we can ask this question of ourselves:
"Are we growing in Faith (in this area), Is (this area) full of hope to God? Do we see more and more love (here, in this area?) Let's take LOVING YOUR BROTHER as an example (hee!hee!~it had been kinda a rough day for this!!) You could love God in your room or anyplace and just lift up in your hands your love for your brothers~ you could ask yourself, "Did I grow in faith with God in the way I loved my brother today?...Or in the way I forgave my brother today?...cause growing in Faith is actually more important than being right about the card game..."How about my love, God? Did I grow in love with you today?"
Jack relates..."you know...its like God is always there but you have to accept Him and let His love grow UP,UP,UP around you. You gotta CHASE it down...like when I chase Bruik around the house!!!"
Bruik beams with pleasure.
"Yeah, you gotta chase love down"
And we read that NEXT verse about "pursuing love"... (later he dances this out in the Spirit in the living room...(see video below)
Then it is 10 year old Anderson who makes this connection. "OH! and when you find out that you need to love more you will realise that you JUST DON"T have the love you need. Then you are like the little green leaves on this plant...as long as you STAY close to Jesus,stay near to Him and repent from what is not love...HIS love will flow THROUGH you...it won't be work! The leaf just rests on the vine!!!" He puts his head on the table and grins. :)
"Whoa! " He rests...in knowing...in loving...in connecting with the one who brought this revelation to his heart...then...
"You know what? I found out today that I never have to be bored!"
All eyes on Anderson--after all we have been stuck in the house ALOT on 110 heat index days in Missouri summer heat. "All I need to do is to go in my room and turn on worship music on the radio and sing to God...and I'm never bored!" (and you are abiding my son...)He bounces over to our computer and puts worship music on REALLY loudly and I do not dare turn it down for the children are all so ready to dance...and we flow into worship...
Untitled from gillian tucker on Vimeo.
...This is sweet Jack "Chasing God's Love Down" ~ Look, Mom! He said, "I'm Chasing Down ...I PURSUING God's Love....I chase Him and He chases me....and His love goes UP, UP,UP all around me...then I bring it to other people too...It heals them...God is chasing them down in His love too..."
Blessings, precious friends!!
Love,
GG
p.s. Blue Scarf Jack is using for dancing was brought back to us from Ethiopia by Ally P. at the time of the P. family's addition of their beautiful two Ethiopian girls :)
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Safe...In the Arms of Love...
After 11 months...our day has finally arrived...Daddy...Beloved Husband...
IS HOME!!!!
He packed all day Friday and Drove through the Night with our last Rented Truckful...
Coming home feels wonderful...
Our hearts are full of thankfulness!
IS HOME!!!!
He packed all day Friday and Drove through the Night with our last Rented Truckful...
Coming home feels wonderful...
Our hearts are full of thankfulness!
Monday, June 20, 2011
Number Nineteen! :) ~ a dance to remember~
Yesterday we celebrated Anniversary Number 19 with my Honey Yesterday On The 19th of June :)!!
AND on Father's Day!!
It was quite a day!! :)
After 11 months of expectant waiting, Richard is wrapping up his job in Nashville this next week and heading out to Kansas City to join us here in our call to be intercessory missionaries~ WAHOO!!!!!!~
We will have much to share soon about our continued journey for God is downloading even more in our lives and hearts as the time arrives for Richard to join us here.
So love my pastoring, compassionate, missionary-hearted man.~
Our hearts are full as we look back on this past year ~ it has been so full of the Father's heart.
We had an amazing treat yesterday ~ straight from the heart of Abba God. After spending the day as a family, at church,at lunch, at a local park...swimming...we next had an impromptu visit from two amazing young missionaries to Israel and Finland...the conversation and love around the table was full of power as they opened up a Hebrew bible and gathered up my children like a flock around them ....instructing them in Hebraic style questions...
Next, the young men put in a Dvd that was about one of the friend's, Michael's recent wedding in Israel...
So very rich and glorious to see the glowing lights of Jerusalem just beyond the white wedding canopy...
Then the young men led us all in Israeli circle dancing as we worshiped Yeshua, Messiah, Jesus ...
Brown hands...tiny feet...massive peach hands...boy feet...girl feet...man arms raised...women waist bowing...Dancing with my earthly husband of 19 years...in a circle full of our quiver of children...some from the nations...joyfully singing with these brothers...It stepped past the immediate now and brought heaven to earth...images of the coming kingdom and the joy to come circled in my heart as we went around the living room last night...
Wonder's overflow... thanksgiving for this man, my earthly Adam, the one I have to reach my neck to smile up to :)...
this one
that God has chosen for me to journey with...
the one who whispers courage in my ear and reflects who God has purposed me to be...
Father to so many...
some our birthed children, some brought from the nations,some still being brought to our door...
and the many to come...
the gift of marriage...God's wondrous gift for man and woman in every step as we traverse home to Him...
full heart for the inheritance of Godly children...
kissed up, raised up as a gift for Jesus...
AWARENESS
...of Holy wind and fire...
a real heart that beats...
pursuing us...
... the tension between joy that transports our heart to the Father
as well as the ache and burst in our heart for Jesus' remaking of everything to new...
at the arrival of His coming!!!!!!...
to His waiting...made-ready bride...
And on that day...in that time... His REAL hands and LITERAL feet dancing the wedding dancing with me...His bride...with US, His children!...and we will look and grin and smile over the sea of multi-colored children's heads...dancing ribbons of every color...swirling gifts from the nations to Him...as we laugh with Joy and spin in the lights of Jerusalem...
(the song we danced to last night...)
O Lord bless me and keep me cause Your face to shine on me
Lord be gracious lift the light of Your countenance give me peace
I live only to see your face so shine on me
let the light of Your face shine down on my heart and let me feel it
Blessings and Love,
Gillian
AND on Father's Day!!
It was quite a day!! :)
After 11 months of expectant waiting, Richard is wrapping up his job in Nashville this next week and heading out to Kansas City to join us here in our call to be intercessory missionaries~ WAHOO!!!!!!~
We will have much to share soon about our continued journey for God is downloading even more in our lives and hearts as the time arrives for Richard to join us here.
So love my pastoring, compassionate, missionary-hearted man.~
Our hearts are full as we look back on this past year ~ it has been so full of the Father's heart.
We had an amazing treat yesterday ~ straight from the heart of Abba God. After spending the day as a family, at church,at lunch, at a local park...swimming...we next had an impromptu visit from two amazing young missionaries to Israel and Finland...the conversation and love around the table was full of power as they opened up a Hebrew bible and gathered up my children like a flock around them ....instructing them in Hebraic style questions...
Next, the young men put in a Dvd that was about one of the friend's, Michael's recent wedding in Israel...
So very rich and glorious to see the glowing lights of Jerusalem just beyond the white wedding canopy...
Then the young men led us all in Israeli circle dancing as we worshiped Yeshua, Messiah, Jesus ...
Brown hands...tiny feet...massive peach hands...boy feet...girl feet...man arms raised...women waist bowing...Dancing with my earthly husband of 19 years...in a circle full of our quiver of children...some from the nations...joyfully singing with these brothers...It stepped past the immediate now and brought heaven to earth...images of the coming kingdom and the joy to come circled in my heart as we went around the living room last night...
Wonder's overflow... thanksgiving for this man, my earthly Adam, the one I have to reach my neck to smile up to :)...
this one
that God has chosen for me to journey with...
the one who whispers courage in my ear and reflects who God has purposed me to be...
Father to so many...
some our birthed children, some brought from the nations,some still being brought to our door...
and the many to come...
the gift of marriage...God's wondrous gift for man and woman in every step as we traverse home to Him...
full heart for the inheritance of Godly children...
kissed up, raised up as a gift for Jesus...
AWARENESS
...of Holy wind and fire...
a real heart that beats...
pursuing us...
... the tension between joy that transports our heart to the Father
as well as the ache and burst in our heart for Jesus' remaking of everything to new...
at the arrival of His coming!!!!!!...
to His waiting...made-ready bride...
And on that day...in that time... His REAL hands and LITERAL feet dancing the wedding dancing with me...His bride...with US, His children!...and we will look and grin and smile over the sea of multi-colored children's heads...dancing ribbons of every color...swirling gifts from the nations to Him...as we laugh with Joy and spin in the lights of Jerusalem...
(the song we danced to last night...)
O Lord bless me and keep me cause Your face to shine on me
Lord be gracious lift the light of Your countenance give me peace
I live only to see your face so shine on me
let the light of Your face shine down on my heart and let me feel it
Blessings and Love,
Gillian
Thursday, June 16, 2011
The love story..For HIM...For them...and For me
This BEAUTIFUL post is from my friend, Sara. She is an intercessory missionary here at the International House of Prayer in Kansas City and a beautiful adoptive mom who has adopted 2 adorable preschool children from Ethiopia and now is in the process of adopting 2 elementary- aged girls from Uganda.
I love her heart--
It first burns in love for Jesus
Then flows out to others...
Kingdom love...Kingdom journey...
A fellow traveler on the road that leads into the arms of our Father...
That will end up
taking us
HOME...
This post is a reflection of where our hearts are these days as God is marrying in Richard and my heart,
adoration for Christ
and deliverance,
or as Sara would say,
"rescue"
into the broken places of the world...
bringing the "HOME" of God's heart to the world.
(I have highlighted this pitch-perfect section of her post in bold letters today)
Look up Sara's blog at:
Enjoy!!
The Rescue
Posted by Sara on Thursday, June 2, 2011 · 14 Comments
“I don’t want to grow up before my mom gets me.” She said the words my heart felt.
At eight, she isn’t waiting on a mystery. Adoption has been explained to her and though family is a new concept for her orphan-mind, she is being indoctrinated into the very thing I am, an ocean away. Waiting on a promise.
Adoption is never easy. What sits deep in the eye of the Father is a target for His enemy. The layers of testimony being built around the rescue of the vulnerable ones don’t go unopposed. Simultaneous to the glorious accounts we’ve received from friends who have visited with Hope and Lily has been the news that our story has hit some paperwork-related hurdles.
And Lily knows about those. The same little girl who kisses my picture on her wall knows that the path to her promise will have to be paved by Jesus.
“At least I have a mom,” she says in response to news of the potential delays. The child, whose daily comings and goings have never been under a mother’s watchful eye (though now under kind caregivers), finds peace in the whispers of me as if they were my arms wrapped around her. Something is better than nothing for the child who’s grown accustomed to nothing.
Hope still seems oblivious to the radical life change around her corner. She loved her pink nail polish, Molly’s treat. And bore smile after smile for a camera that would deliver gold to my inbox just hours later. Carefree and full of the delight that an outdoor playground solicits, the disconnect between this message bearer and those who sent her, obvious.
She appeared to brush away tears when she watched a video we sent, enamored with the kisses we blew across miles. Is it possible for a five year-old to feel the pain of waiting?
Three years between she and Lily seem like eons which have potential to wash away the innocence of youth. Young and fresh, malleable turned molded — needing re-molding. But for both of them, every day they are not under my roof is a day I’ve lost. A day I will one day have to ask back of the God who restores the years locusts eat.
There is something innate in a woman, created to protect her young at all costs, which adoption stirs up. I find myself explaining our adoption process to people as if I’m explaining the mortgage application process. Dry description, dry process because I lack words to explain the torrent going on within me.
I have daughters living minutes I don’t get to shape. The little-girl moments mothers are made to ponder are ones I only dream about.
++++++
Eden scoots into my lap, eyes on the floor and lower lip quivering. She lets down. “I’m sad Mommy,” she says as a precursor to the conversation we’ve had many times. My five year-old mourns the early years when she “didn’t get to be with Mommy and Daddy” and I can’t help but think of the two others on another continent whose time-cards reflect immeasurably more of those minutes which will one day need healing. Our home, soon to be a hospital for these type of heart-casualties.
Injustice spans the gap between where I live my days and where they grow more inches. And the horizon is pregnant with more waiting.
All of this can make a mother crazy.
And crazed I have been. Allured by the dark side of promise. It’s a faint fume which has set like a damper over my spirit, telling me that rest will come with the promise and that my stomach was meant to be in knots — and my heart awry — until the answer comes. Subtle alluring, couched in mission. Seeking the promise, instead of the promise giver, slowly becomes my goal. And I get heartsick.
Until the One who allures appears.
Adoption is not about a child. It’s about a Man. A God-Man who could end injustice in an instant and who does not look on the fatherless with hands tied behind His back. Instead, He works every angle for the greatest love story of all time to unfold.
The love story for Lily. For Hope. And for me.
He’s rescuing my heart and teaching me a trust that isn’t dependent upon human constructs. He’s alluring me to love which, when I melt weak at its feet, does not allow me to leave that place unchanged. He’s awakening me to an encounter that infuses peace in a valley of darkness.
He calls us to justice not because He needs our acts of justice, but because — in doing so — we find Him. We learn Him. We brush up against a love that does not leave us with a little bit of Jesus to add to our already-formed mission but leaves us hungering for a Man that will change every dusty corner of our lives.
Adoption reveals His relentlessness. For them. And for me.
Whether a month from now or six months from now or a year from now, when I get to hold Lily for the first time and my lips grace Hope’s forehead as if they’d been there a thousand times before, there is one thing I’m desperate to have found.
More of this Man Jesus. More of this One who keeps calling me to walk across a tight-rope and promises I’ll find Him safe in every step.
The end is a Man. Not exclusive to adoption, the end of every promise who’s seen the sweat of waiting, is this Man.
My inbox has been flooded lately with questions about adoption (if I haven’t yet responded to you, I haven’t forgotten you — it usually takes me a few days to respond) and I’ve been tempted to craft an auto-reply that says:
Adoption is for the hungry. If you want to know more of Jesus and are willing to get a little undone in the meantime, sign up. You can’t pursue a child without being consumed by His pursuit of you.
I love her heart--
It first burns in love for Jesus
Then flows out to others...
Kingdom love...Kingdom journey...
A fellow traveler on the road that leads into the arms of our Father...
That will end up
taking us
HOME...
This post is a reflection of where our hearts are these days as God is marrying in Richard and my heart,
adoration for Christ
and deliverance,
or as Sara would say,
"rescue"
into the broken places of the world...
bringing the "HOME" of God's heart to the world.
(I have highlighted this pitch-perfect section of her post in bold letters today)
Look up Sara's blog at:
Enjoy!!
The Rescue
Posted by Sara on Thursday, June 2, 2011 · 14 Comments
“I don’t want to grow up before my mom gets me.” She said the words my heart felt.
At eight, she isn’t waiting on a mystery. Adoption has been explained to her and though family is a new concept for her orphan-mind, she is being indoctrinated into the very thing I am, an ocean away. Waiting on a promise.
Adoption is never easy. What sits deep in the eye of the Father is a target for His enemy. The layers of testimony being built around the rescue of the vulnerable ones don’t go unopposed. Simultaneous to the glorious accounts we’ve received from friends who have visited with Hope and Lily has been the news that our story has hit some paperwork-related hurdles.
And Lily knows about those. The same little girl who kisses my picture on her wall knows that the path to her promise will have to be paved by Jesus.
“At least I have a mom,” she says in response to news of the potential delays. The child, whose daily comings and goings have never been under a mother’s watchful eye (though now under kind caregivers), finds peace in the whispers of me as if they were my arms wrapped around her. Something is better than nothing for the child who’s grown accustomed to nothing.
Hope still seems oblivious to the radical life change around her corner. She loved her pink nail polish, Molly’s treat. And bore smile after smile for a camera that would deliver gold to my inbox just hours later. Carefree and full of the delight that an outdoor playground solicits, the disconnect between this message bearer and those who sent her, obvious.
She appeared to brush away tears when she watched a video we sent, enamored with the kisses we blew across miles. Is it possible for a five year-old to feel the pain of waiting?
Three years between she and Lily seem like eons which have potential to wash away the innocence of youth. Young and fresh, malleable turned molded — needing re-molding. But for both of them, every day they are not under my roof is a day I’ve lost. A day I will one day have to ask back of the God who restores the years locusts eat.
There is something innate in a woman, created to protect her young at all costs, which adoption stirs up. I find myself explaining our adoption process to people as if I’m explaining the mortgage application process. Dry description, dry process because I lack words to explain the torrent going on within me.
I have daughters living minutes I don’t get to shape. The little-girl moments mothers are made to ponder are ones I only dream about.
++++++
Eden scoots into my lap, eyes on the floor and lower lip quivering. She lets down. “I’m sad Mommy,” she says as a precursor to the conversation we’ve had many times. My five year-old mourns the early years when she “didn’t get to be with Mommy and Daddy” and I can’t help but think of the two others on another continent whose time-cards reflect immeasurably more of those minutes which will one day need healing. Our home, soon to be a hospital for these type of heart-casualties.
Injustice spans the gap between where I live my days and where they grow more inches. And the horizon is pregnant with more waiting.
All of this can make a mother crazy.
And crazed I have been. Allured by the dark side of promise. It’s a faint fume which has set like a damper over my spirit, telling me that rest will come with the promise and that my stomach was meant to be in knots — and my heart awry — until the answer comes. Subtle alluring, couched in mission. Seeking the promise, instead of the promise giver, slowly becomes my goal. And I get heartsick.
Until the One who allures appears.
Adoption is not about a child. It’s about a Man. A God-Man who could end injustice in an instant and who does not look on the fatherless with hands tied behind His back. Instead, He works every angle for the greatest love story of all time to unfold.
The love story for Lily. For Hope. And for me.
He’s rescuing my heart and teaching me a trust that isn’t dependent upon human constructs. He’s alluring me to love which, when I melt weak at its feet, does not allow me to leave that place unchanged. He’s awakening me to an encounter that infuses peace in a valley of darkness.
He calls us to justice not because He needs our acts of justice, but because — in doing so — we find Him. We learn Him. We brush up against a love that does not leave us with a little bit of Jesus to add to our already-formed mission but leaves us hungering for a Man that will change every dusty corner of our lives.
Adoption reveals His relentlessness. For them. And for me.
Whether a month from now or six months from now or a year from now, when I get to hold Lily for the first time and my lips grace Hope’s forehead as if they’d been there a thousand times before, there is one thing I’m desperate to have found.
More of this Man Jesus. More of this One who keeps calling me to walk across a tight-rope and promises I’ll find Him safe in every step.
The end is a Man. Not exclusive to adoption, the end of every promise who’s seen the sweat of waiting, is this Man.
My inbox has been flooded lately with questions about adoption (if I haven’t yet responded to you, I haven’t forgotten you — it usually takes me a few days to respond) and I’ve been tempted to craft an auto-reply that says:
Adoption is for the hungry. If you want to know more of Jesus and are willing to get a little undone in the meantime, sign up. You can’t pursue a child without being consumed by His pursuit of you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)