Sometimes the Thank You is Big and NoISy !! :)

Our Living Room Last Night!

The Children Break Out Into Praise

And Thanks, 

As They Hear the News

That The Funding for the Adopted Baby's Trip Here

Has Come Completely In!

They Then Began Adoring Jesus

And Remembering that He too

Went on a Long Journey

To Be Born

And That He Too was Adopted

And That He Adopts Us Too.

And Incredible Night

Thanks Turned to Worship.

The Glory of a Child's Heart

Will Ever Be a Model for My Own!!

We Can't Wait to Meet Our Baby SOON!!

Thank you for ALL of your love, prayers, generous giving!!

This will enable the first steps of our adoption story to begin!

...

Sometimes the Thank You is BiG and NoIsY

It should be!!

Much Love From the Tucker Family!!

How do you Measure it All?

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

In the midst of the dishes and the commute to work,
Or on a hilltop gazing at the stars.
In the fray of the busy and the strain of the frazzle...
On the jogging trail in an early morning's run.
In the tears and the laughter,
And at the bottom of the laundry pile.
In highest accolades,
And hidden in lonely,dustiness.
In the striving and the resting,
In our hearts desires and dreams,
And in our entertainments.
In our giftings and our failures,
Before our family and in our friendships.
In what we build up and choose to tear down.
In together times,
And in the Secret Place.
In one Life's footprint on this blue world,
Going around and around SO fast.
There is a question that follows us into every moment and place.
What is the Measure of Man?
It is simple but vital questions to answer,
"Where was your gaze?"
"To Whom did you give your Heart?"
"Did you KNOW the One Who MADE Love?"
And, "Did  you Learn to Love from Him?"




"But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."     (1 Samuel 16:7)


The measure of a man is the measure of his heart
The measure of a man is the measure of his love
[x2]

You don't measure me like man may see
You're looking at my heart, the core of me
Your eyes of fire see differently
Keep me in the gaze of love

The measure of a man is the measure of his heart
The measure of a man is the measure of his love
[x2]

When it's all been said, when it's all been done
When the race is run, well it all comes down to love

Did you learn to love? That's what You will ask of me
Did you learn to love? Not about my ministry
Did you learn to love? Not about my money
Did you learn to love? Did you learn to love?

[Read more: http://artists.letssingit.com/misty-edwards-lyrics-measure-of-a-man-feat-david-brymer]

Love, Gillian

I am a REAL Bunny ...and so is she...

Oh, little Velveteen Rabbit...its not like I'm mad at you or anything...but...living your story is heavy sometimes...I don't want another one...I'm just saying,

"Ouch, it HURTs to be a bunny."

And I hope I do not offend you when I let you know that I have decided that I am not going to take your definition any more as a statement for my life as an adoptive mommy.

  Did you not say,

"Real isn't how you are Made, It is a thing that happens to you."?????

 


There, I SAID it.

I AIN'T REAL cause of my difficult circumstances

or in the moment that the beloved child whispers it in my ear.

What "happens" to me does not make me.

I am not a product of the days events --be they pleasant or hard, or of  my thoughts and expectations, or of fleeting feelings from one day to the next.

I am not what the other "bunnies" say I am

or who I am in those little eyes...

Or What I sometimes see when I look in the mirror on an especially hard day...

You didn't get it completely ,Velveteen Rabbit---although I just love you so...

Cause I find my Wisdom in another book...in another story...of a young, perfect KING who came from a far off heavenly land...He left His Father's house...to come and find this ole bunny...to find me in the garden...all dishelved and burnt on the rubbish heap...He found me in my helpless failings...and while I was quite lifeless and stuffed with sawdust and other junk...

He stooped down to make me REAL..

to BREATHE REAL Life into me

and He tells me...He has begun to show me that...

Oh, His promises are much GREATER than those nursery promises little rabbit...

I am alive, I am REAL because of ONE who burns with Life and Hope on my insides.

I am a REAL Bunny.

And here is a secret my gentle little friend,

Your story does not end with becoming a real bunny.

REAL BUNNYS Hurt.

And there is a Bunny Shepherd who has ointment for our wounds.

Now you will know thirst and hunger...

But there is the gardener in the midst of the bunnies who IS the living water AND the Bread that brings life...

You will have an awareness of dangers...you will have to be a little warrior


but He will cover you with His great big shield, and under it you will find security and victory.

for Real Bunnies still have fire to go through...beyond the bonfire of the toy pile...

But it is  REFINING fire.

And it really is O.K.

For once  this type of grooming session is over, and I have been through so many lately little rabbit,

You will find that "toy fur" burnt off to reveal...not a Real "me" but "Christ IN me...the HOPE of Glory".

Behold, the new WILL come, little bunny...


My Story

 O.K....Here is my very real story from last week.  I want you to to have this view so that you may know a bit more how to love and support adoptive moms.  Perhaps know how to more fully love an adoptive child?  And if you are "stuck" in suffering...that Jesus is your answer to.  There IS hope for you, my friend..

First, the REAL High

We hit the highs and the lows here at the Tucker house last week.  We celebrated an 11th birthday, my husband experienced a wonderful first week of continued training for ministry, and my children all had an unusual blessing of encountering God at school all week in their assembly times...God was especially present and visited the kids with much power and joy...true revival broke out this week among the students.  The joyful worship rocked their building and broke out of the assembly time so that for three days, the schedule of classes were pushed back as the kids experience the fresh presence of God in Worship,prayer, and in God's movement on them in restoration and in healings.  More, Lord!  I love that He broke this out among children--it has been so powerful!!

There were kids that were delivered of self-hatred.  There were kids that wept over love for God. There was prayer for our city, prayer for our nation. Adoration, Worship.  They prayed over each other for hours.  Joy came. So did travailing prayer.  These kids have been crying out for God to visit them. He came.

                                             [Our Ashley and friends this week]

This is what "revival" looks like.  and He started with the children--how like Jesus who put children before Him and instructed us to look like them!

Genuine revival has Christ walking within it. "The Hope of Glory" changes our lives...He truly does.  The kids all of them--carried this home and our home was been so full of the tenderness of the Holy Spirit's love.  It was one of those weeks, so full of  glory that it takes your breath away...

To add, the children's school was not the only place where God was blessing His people in this way last week.  As Richard came home from his Bible classes and from the prayer room at International House of Prayer the SAME wave of God's presence and love was moving in his classes and in the prayer room.  All classes were cancelled so that  they  could just move into a solemn assembly and worshiped with  expectancy.

  There was MUCH JOY on the mission's base. Healing was a part of God's strong presence in our midst. Richard was blessed with actually seeing God's power move in love in this way. On Saturday, Richard was ministering at our Saturday service.  He was laying hands on and praying for anyone who had a need.  There was a man who had a condition with his hands that he had had for over ten years, it made his hands gnarled and curled up with pain.  As Richard prayed for him, the man's hands began to straighten!  The two men joyfully continued on asking for Jesus' healing until Richard watched the man's hands relax and straighten.  It was powerful~ the man felt so loved~ and this was only one of the miracles that swirled around us this weekend!

In the Midst of the Garden...

With all this beauty...that we have asked for, fasted for...pressed into God in prayer for...and as we saw it breaking out....you would think we would have been immune from any pain or trial last week.

NOPE

It made me a TARGET for attack...and since our enemy is not fair and is a MEAN BULLY he targeted my adoptive mother's heart and my little bunny, Ava.
You see, if Jesus was breaking out...if so many kids were getting delivered and this is truly what Mama Gillian has been declaring with much strength lately...then a surprise attack...could it knock her down so that she and Ava might not receive the promise of healing all around them?...

 Nothing happens to me that does not pass through  my loving Father's hands.

and like I said above, my circumstances do NOT determine who I am or what my destiny is.  But OH, this does not take the pain away as you walk through the fire...

 Thursday could not have been sweeter...Anderson made sure all the other siblings felt included in his celebrations and it was Ava who got to share about her brother who tickles her and makes her feel "all loved and tickley" we laughed and played and ate too much cake...and after the party there were snuggles for little girls and a book read by an older sister and a special connection at Bible time and singing that blessed us all...

Kids were excused to get on jammies before one last game before bed...and as our little happy bunny went downstairs...

A serpent was waiting...
and a lie was hissed in her ear...




It may have been something like,

"Are you REALLY part of this loving family?"


"Is this REAL?"


"Come on, are you a REAL Bunny?  Who do you think you are?"

And my little bunny looked down at something that she considered to be shabby...and then she tore up her little girlie room. 

I was setting up the game, that is one of my little bunny's favorites, and as she entered the room she declared in a really loud, kind of overly cheerful way,

"OH, I HAVE IT ALL FIGURED OUT."

"YOU'RE NOT MY REAL MOM!"

she turns to the other adoptive child in my home who had just had SUCH a normal, great day...and birthday days can be a trigger for him so this was a huge victory for him and that tongue that lied to her now lied to him,

"MOM IS OUR SECOND MOM. SHE IS NOT REAL"



... and words, what are they?

  They could have been passed for childish expression until..

They continued and continued for the rest of the night...

until...I went down to get something for my bunny and I saw the ripped up bunny's nest downstairs in her room.

A firey dart tried to find its way into my Mother's heart...this is familiar war ground...
familiar battle over the identity of this little soul, and who she is

familiar battle over who I am as her mother...

and all I could say, inside my heart in that moment was,

ouch. OUCH! OUCH!!!!!

I tucked my bunny in bed with many kisses and prayed fervent, silent prayers in the only name that has true power, Jesus' name over her.

Sword, Shield...Engarde!!

Oh it's ON, serpent. This mama bunny is a warrior bunny!!

And yet, the words picked on me as I went about my chores..I carried them into prayer ..and they bothered me through the night..

Friday morning is a work morning for me at my children's school.  I LOVE my job!  I am the school's librarian.  I joke with my husband that I'm the fun kind of Librarian not the bun kind!!

Friday, my bunny and I spent the morning getting the house in order and then driving to work.  All morning long I was followed literally around by my bunny who repeated over and over that I was not REAL and that our family was not REAL.  I am not exaggerating that EVERY word that came out of my little girl's mouth was on this subject of REAL.  It was wild and I was acutely aware I was under attack and that so was my little bunny.  I tried leading her into a loving conversation about her birth mom , tried to trace her story with her...but none of this satisfied.  hiss,hiss,hiss....it was continuous in her ears that morning...poor little bunny...and all the language was a searing wound in my heart...

I cannot express how intense some of these times are with our adoptive children as they wrestle and rework the puzzle of who they are.

..the problem arises when not all the puzzle pieces can be found...then what???

And the question of this morning was, "am I REAL?"

"am I REALLY in a forever family?"

am I REALLY a blood daughter, loved like all the rest in this nest?"


...And the question intended for me was,

"Has everything you have poured into this child...

...all the "hair falling off" REALLY MADE ANY DIFFERENCE?..

ALL those times you served and laid it all down...

ALL those prayers...

all the trust you believed to be building up...where is that now???

...Listen, here she is declaring right now that

'any mother could be her mother after all'

and that

'maybe we should get some more moms for our family, or another mommy for us wouldn't that be better?'.

and' living here is o.k. but...'

..Have you REALLY become her mother?"

The language and the questions continued...but as I turned off the car in the parking lot of school, something turned on inside of me.  It was a declaration.


"This is attack and for Ava's sake and mine I am going to make a stand.  I am going to RESIST this until it flees from her and from me today.  There is a victory coming for this little girl.  I'm not backing away.  I see this for what it is, attack.  I'll stand and wait for deliverance."  Sometimes, as the Word says, all we can do is "stand"...

It wasn't over yet

As we walked into the building and talked to a lovely friend at the sign in desk I felt nauseous.   My stormy day did not seem to "fit" with the revival that was going on in the building...or maybe it was perfectly fitting!!...it was 11a.m. and I still heard the vibrations of worship from the teenagers coming through the walls next to the auditorium as I made my way to our little library...

As I turned on the light and started to re shelve books I felt overstimulated among all the books...

One of the administrators, who I love, suggested I display the books that day in a way that would draw the children's eye more.  I started turning the faces of the book covers around to greet and face the children...while I worked...my bunny was at my side...the subject was the same one as the rest of the morning.

Wow, was this truly going to last ALL day?

  A lady popped her head in the library and greeted us.  The distraction was wonderful!  As I shelved, we visited a little...


"How are you?""


I wanted to shout, I"M TERRIBLE!!  and scream and tell her that I feel like the WALKING WOUNDED...don't you see my head wound?  Can't you SEE it?...but I was held back...and this was good for...
You would not believe the next question that came out of this well-meaning mouth...I don't fault her...like Peter, we can say glorious mysteries that are right on in one minute and then in the next , if not dialed in and listening to God's voice ...out of that same mouth...we can say words tailored by the enemy...




"Hey, I've been meaning to ask you,

How many REAL kids do you have?"



Oh no, you didn't!!
Oh, yes, she did.
It was that kind of a moment.
It was that kind of a day...and this was the PERFECT fire for my heart.

"Well,"  I looked down at the books in my hands, and then over at my bunny,

"I have SIX REAL KIDS, right, Ava honey?"

Ava came over and clung on my leg.

{People,people... please NEVER ask this question to an adoptive mom and especially in front of her child!!}

But I knew why I was getting the question...and I was going to keep standing until I saw Jesus step in and bring HIS message to my little girlie and my heart that day.

We dove into our little project and then had the LOVELY distraction of six classes worth of students coming through the room.  Ava played mommy to her dollies and pretended at my feet and looked through books and hugged sweet children who I helped to match with books.  Its a great job!  I took it because I believe that finding the right book is all about blessing that child's uniqueness and identity.  I have prayed that the children who find their way into the library will also be blessed by love's presence through Jesus' simple love through me and that they may walk out confirmed of their beauty as hearts are revealed as they choose their books...

That the Librarian and her child were  needing confirmation this day was and unexpected turn of  events among the collection of books..

As one group of students went out, the books needed refreshing...more needed to be pulled out and displayed..and I was handed this returned book...that had just made its way back to needing to be reshelved.

It was the Velveteen Rabbit.

The more I live in Christ, the more I find that He, the most beautiful of authors, writes my life in just this way.


"Hello, sweet Jesus, this is from you." my heart prayed.

It was a beautiful edition of a well-loved classic that I have read over and over and mulled over through my years.  Recently I have found that not only I but my adopted children as well identify with this little rabbit...

I had just a moment to "pet" the beautiful pages of the book ~ if you love to read you know of which I speak! ~ and then I propped it open to the page of the little bunny, REAL and dancing all among the other real bunnies.

"In your name, Jesus, this is who I am in you.  This is who she IS in YOU.  We are REAL in you.  YOU are my REAL."

Our last group of students came into the library, it was one of my favorite classes--my son Bruik is among them and I have watched and love them grow for a while now.  One of my FAVORITE children in the class is a precious little girl who is full of life and glory.  She is FUNNY, she is WITTY, she is so loving and has a real gift for connecting to God's heart and understanding His ways.  She butts heads with my little Bruik half the time and the other half of the time squeeze hugs him with love. She is a blessed special needs girl who is wiser and more spectacular than most girls you'll meet.  and, oh, yes...she's also been adopted...and is SUCH a blessing to her astounded mom who comes to me with precious stories of this incredible creation--I JUST LOVE HER.
So this little girl is trying to pick out a book and this day she is having a BEAR of a time finding JUST the right one.  "Do you have any mysteries, Mrs. Tucker?...no thanks don't want a mystery...oh,oh,oh!! I KNOW what I want."..and the choices went kind of on and on that afternoon...until the check out computer is about to be shut down and this little one is the last child along with me among the shelves.  She was the LAST student.

She slowed.  She stopped....right in front of the Velveteen Rabbit book...
I don't really know why I did it but my hand came in front of the book--almost guarding it from her view...
I did't want to have this conversation. Today. Right then. With her. Precious her.

What about THIS book?

I heard myself talking in that falsetto adult voice, "OH, this is a GREAT book, honey." Smile.  I felt uncomfortable.  I half lied. "Its a story of a toy bunny that becomes, REAL."

She looked up at me through her little glasses. "HMMMNnnnn."
She's thinking.
I'm nailed.

"Isn't there something about a sick boooooy in here?  and  some tooooys?"

"Ah, Hem...Yes."
She looked  like she was grasping for something lost...
"OOOOooooh...Mommy read this book to me"  She looks like she is searching....for something forgotten...for something that may not be so pleasant..."

"Tell me about the fire, Mrs. Tucker"

She looked up at me as if to say, 'Don't lie to me, Mrs. Tucker. They burned that bunny. Tell me the Truth Mrs. Tucker."

She was waiting on me for an answer about the broken bunnies.  And, Lord, I don't want to give her that answer....she's not the broken one anyhow in this moment...I am!...

And in that moment, we looked down to see the page that she had turned to in the beautiful old  book.  It was blue, and at the center of the illustration was a gorgeous fairy and dancing bunnies all around her.

"OH! I remember!  There's an angel!!, " she sighed and smiled BIG..."Tell me about the ANGEL, Mrs. Tucker."

"Oh, yes." She smiled.  "That's what I remember."


She picked up the book and hugged it to herself. Then,  "I won't be needing this."  She set it back gently on the shelf,  and turned to land on her final decision... after several other final decisions...she plucked up a fluff bit of book called,"Pinky Dinky Doo" and I totally laughed out loud and sailed a goodbye toward her as she bounded out of the room to check it out. :)

Later, after my shift at school and piano lessons that fill my home with the reminder of what is glory...I was still feeling tattered...

like a big ole bunny...

But settled and at rest.  Ready to continue to press in to being a REAL mom to all of my REAL children.  I was deciding on dinner as well as deciding to keep standing on Truth even though I had not seen it in my parenting of that day...when I heard another little person sit down at the piano...and worship sounds started coming from the piano... REAL joyful noise, the kind that God mentions and asks for in the Psalms...

And my family is my witness that I actually heard my little bunny turn not only into a REAL bunny but metamorphosis into a SONGBIRD.

Now, worship and speaking out Truth is a gift from God that He will bring on this little one in certain sweet times, and had I subcombed to the attack and fought with HER instead of the lies...we might have missed out on this GLORIOUS moment...really...our warfare is THAT REAL.

Little Ava's hands were making BEAUTIFUL sounds on the piano
Chords...musical progressions...melodic notes...REAL melody...

Richard and I gathered in the kitchen, catching each other's eyes, "Are you HEARING THIS?"

And then this clear little voice started singing...the bunny is a songbird!!

"OOOOHhhh, Jesus...I just Looove you...
You made me on purpose.  And everything you make is REALLLLLly Goood.
I want to be with you every day.  You are the hero and I want to be with you every day.

We NEED you, come to us, Jesus!
We NEED you.
Come to US.

Oh, there's worship and there's the pain! ...and I'm growing...I'm GROWING UP LIKE A DAISY (the meaning of her African name we gave her, Aday)

Yeah, I'm growing up like a DAISY in the house of the Lord.
We NEED YOU, Jesus!
Come to us..."

She sang and sang and we cried and Richard put his head down on the counter in the kitchen and shook with laughter that is the surprised kind that comes when God just puts his glorious foot down in your midst.

Oh, don't ever stop! my Heart cried out!  You are worth the "stand"

And then we heard,

"Fill our house with angels God...you are fillin' it Right now...I feel you comin' to us...just fillin' our house UP with your angels...We NEED you Jesus...We worship you..."

Who's the Mommy?  Who's the REAL Daddy?  He showed up in that moment.   Who are we REALly?  This turns out to be the WRONG QUESTION.  So take that, enemy!!

The question that sets us FREE was asked 2 millennial years ago by Jesus, the King of all broken hearts and the Shepherd of all "bunnies and songbirds"

...the question is, "Who do you say that I am?"  and when we get this before us...and find our identity in Him...when we lose ourself in THIS fire...we raise up out of that pire with power, life, and REAL joy in knowing that He who is IN us IS our HOPE of GLORY.

  He is enough.  He is THE solution for each of us.  Because HE is REAL, I live.

  Because HE lives there is INCREDIBLE HOPE for my children. ~  All six of my REAL kids!

Love, Gillian

Prairie Gold

"The Golden Time of Day"  ~  I think I'm made for "such a time as this".

So as we were driving along and they asked to stop here in this grassy prairie field to chase and play around...I couldn't resist!

They burst out of the van ~ all loud and full of puppy energy...or maybe they were horses...galloping across the pastures...or fleet-footed like deer...or little rabbits making cozy nests all hidden within swaying walls of tall grass...but in a moment they looked so small as they headed for the horizon and their voices blended in with the sound of wind brushing through the tall grassy weeds and wild grains.

Go my beauties...run for the horizon...

  Like a day at the beach does, nature's vastness hushed us and swallowed us up in beauty. We were lost in the gentle majesty of reeds bowing down  in the late afternoon sun.

  This was yet another tabernacle.

  Another place TO tabernacle with the creator who cannot be contained in buildings or structures--who bursts forth in in majesty and heart-pounding wonder.   It felt so sacred, standing here, brushing my hands lightly across fuzzy dried seed stems, stroking them, petting them...and considering the weight of glory of a moment and a place... meditating upon the ONE who IS Beauty...who was blowing wind all over us in this gentle,golden moment... loosing strands of my brown hair to play and dance across my face... to join in on the choreography  of life all around me...

I spun around, like the little girl who used to spin around in the shallow end of the pool, splashing my hands all across the surface of the water...and when the world drew into horizontal lines again of stripes of amber and tan and cobalt and white, I heard them calling me, a further invitation into the sacredness of this moment..."Mom, PLAY with us!!...CHASE US, MOM!!..."for a moment, I held back.  But my heart overcame my default setting of "staid adultland" and I ran...

The boys are faster and finer than Mama in all things athletic but we laughed and teased and they LET me catch them after they hid in the grasses and it got SO quiet that all that I could hear was the sound of the wind breathing over the prairie and the sound of some sweet bird song near a thrush of creek nearby.  I caught them and spun some until we were all dizzy and the sky touched the Earth in slants and circles.  It was glorious!

And look, do you see the light on Bruik's face?  Highlighting him?  In this moment...all his tender beauty shone forth...I want to ever see my children in golden light.

Big brother Graham had his turn shaking out his little siblings and swooped them all up with muscles that have grown strong with service and discipline over the last season.  He's a kind sheepherder of the youngers, a strong young man, a diligent laborer.  We are so very proud of him.  He's amazing at industry.  At this time in life, one does not impart manhood to the son for it should already have been formed over the years into his very nature.  But it is almost time for the blessing and the release.  He has become aware of it...so have we.  It catches in my heart when I see him at full run.  It won't be long...  In this moment,  I saw the man to be.  Running for that horizon...into the golden light....across  swaying harvest fields...with purpose, with fire in his eyes...

And my heart beats so fast, with such awareness in these moments, for I know that we are made for golden light...that our lives are being refined "like the gold" if we are setting our gaze on the beautiful one, Christ Jesus...that we tabernacle with a God who has a golden sash around His waist, who IS the Beloved of Heaven...who prepares a place for us with Him...in His tent with Him...NOW, it is possible in every day, in every moment...

and forever...

My heart worships, it sings like the wind blowing over the prairie fields...how can it not?!

Love and Blessing,

GG

P.S.  Hopefully in the next days and weeks we will be journaling here about our current ministry calling and more stories about this. :)

Stables,Garages...its all the same to Him :)

Tonight we were in the garage.  We had just brought down our Christmas boxes from the attic and now we were sorting through them. Different children floated in and out of the task when it seemed to become "work" instead of "fun". :)...our "tween", Anderson came in half-way through and started pulling out stockings and stocking holders.  He took over displaying all of our stockings with great pride and he was a cheery buddy to work with.  After a bit, Anderson saw this tiny little stocking and stopped short..

"..AWwww a BABY stocking." He said stroking it..

."Yes, its cute isn't it",

 I was registering that he REALLY loved the stocking as I continued to hunt around in various boxes, organizing my strategy for what and how it was to come into the house...at the end of a longish day Mama was pretty tired in the midst of a task that so requires mandetory cheer!

Standing behind me, still very focused on this stocking, He seemed to be growing quite attached to this bit of Christmas decoration that did not even have enough material to be worthy of the name "stocking". Yet,He went on, "Mom, I really wish she could have it"

 I continued ruffling around in a box of decorative bows fishing out our collection of cookie cutters that must have fallen in there at the end of last season.  His task had halted. And, he gazed at this little stocking.

 "Yes, it would have been so right for her...she would have loved it."

His words came cloudy to my mind.  Her?  Was he talking about his teacher at school?  Was he missing our foster daughter?   I finally was confused enough to ask," Anderson who is 'she?' are you missing..." , and I mentioned our foster girl, M.

 His eyes grew big and tender and as he picked up the little stocking , he pulled me around to face him. "I mean HER. The one God made in you...You KNOW Mom.  The one of us who is in heaven with our other little brother, Joshua.  I wish she was here to put on this little stocking."  He got really quiet as he looked down at it. " Wouldn't it have fit her JUST right?" He smiled sadly. "But I am glad she's spending Christmas with Jesus...."  He hugged me TIGHT...he stroked the little stocking..."I do miss her though..." he whispered.

 This little stocking has now become exceedingly precious to me as I remember the tiny one it belongs to now...Back in August a little baby girl who was being knit together in my womb...was called home to Heaven...to live with the Christmas Lamb.  She is our second child to now reside there ~ to have access to Jesus' LAP!!  To hear angels sing...to KNOW love in a way that we only would have begun to taste here.  The holidays blow my heart and mind to know that I literally have little ones rejoicing in the Presence that we are worshiping and celebrating ~ and then to realize OUR access of Jesus is just as real and as Present Here.  That WE ARE sitting in His lap too.  That His angels move at the sound of our worship and intercessions...That our family here and there share the same joys and wonders for "IN His Presence IS Fullness of Joy" ~ forevermore... {Psalm 16:11}

And, my heart fills with wonder over sweet Anderson tonight.  A boy who also sits with simple trust and love in the lap of his Jesus.  The one who worships with abandon and loves with affection.  "Christ IN" him "the hope of glory"... The compassion of Christ in a child...the discernment in a believing child's Spirit of the season in which they live astounds my heart...messages like this one.. through these little ones...

Much like the packaging of a most wonderful message wrapped up in swaddling clothes!...

I was completely unaware that I was in need of a kiss from my Heavenly Father tonight.  That after seeing the quiet but painful grief of this past semester He would take THIS little moment, IN MY GARAGE to love on me.  Through my tweenager! ;)  Yet He's like that!  Yes, this is the God who likes using stables and water-logged fishing boats and wilderness hikes to show His glory!!

 I love that God-who-sees is always taking heed to and care over the tending of my heart's pulse even when I am unaware, as I was tonight, that I would need ministering in THIS moment....Glory and care in a garage! :)  Let us worship Him for He is GOOD to us.

Love and Blessings,

Gillian

P.S. Much of this was originally sent in a message to my precious friend, Michelle, who is another gift from God in my heart's journey.  All the time but particularly as I have walked through this specific sorrow.  My heart would not be as healed today if God had not graced me with this friend who has loved me so well. He keeps sending such sweet gifts!!

Thanksful Testimony!!!

God brought a miracle into my life this past week. :) I had been wrestling with 40ish eyesight.  For the first time in my life I was dealing with having to bring literature up REALLY close to my eyes to make out the words...not  great for a girl who LOVES reading and is teaching a couple to read at home right now...and helps out at school in the library--not to mention ALL the other inconveniences this was creating...

Last Sunday at church, a young woman testified to God dramatically healing her eyesight after she asked to for her sight to be cleared so that she would not have to wear her corrective lenses anymore. Soon after this, there was an opportunity to receive prayer for healing in the name of Jesus right there in our seats.  As I raised my hand, asking God for healing for my eyes among other health inquiries, I felt the real presence of the Holy Spirit as several people laid hands on me and prayed.  It was a simple prayer time...they prayed silently...I may never know who each of them was...all I knew was that the heavy presence of God pressed on me with such nearness as they prayed for me...

  In a moment, as I opened my eyes, I could read the bulletin's fine print..AND the Bible that lay in my lap WITHOUT picking it UP ..AND I could clearly see people's faces ACROSS the room!!  All week long I have been thanking Jesus for healing my eyes.  I was especially thankful as my mom and I cooked Thanksgiving dinner that I could clearly SEE handwritten recipe cards and the small print on the can labels...I was again blessed to read little notes from the kiddos to one another ~ and my Favorite blessing was being able to read my Bible in bed again before sleep in the SOFT light of the lamp nearby!!

    What particularly struck my heart this week was that no healing desire is insignificant in God's eyes.  And, that we do not have to just resign ourselves to "all" the little " problems" that "just come" with the  "territory" of the"aging process".  I have NOThING against aging!! ~ but desire to be a Caleb that walks into the promised land with a spring in my step at a very old and green age. :) I hope you feel free to ask our loving Father for the desires of your heart that could be related to healing needs.  He loves to heal and He LOVES you so!


"And He healed them ALL..."


(Mt. 12:15,Mt. 4:23,Mt 12:22,Mt. 9:35)

Getting Ready to Hear :) ~ so cute!!

I am having so much fun sharing this fun resource with you today!!

This little video is made by The Daniel Academy, our school here in Kansas City Missouri. We love how our children are being trained up in adoration for Jesus and in the knowledge and wisdom of the Lord here.

In this video, Ava's Kindergarten teacher, our dear friend, Lelonnie Hibberd,who has a heart for children to know God's heart ( she's just the bestest Kindergarten teacher EVER!!), is showing what it means to get your heart ready to hear from God as you study scripture. This is how our kids study the Bible every day in addition to Bible teaching and worship. There are jewels on this little video here for each of us!

The super-cute family highlighted, is the Mike and Stephanie Gerard family--such an amazing family, full of life and God's joy and love. Each one of us in the Tucker family claims a buddy in the Gerard family and you will easily be able to see why!! :) ~ Make sure you watch long enough to hear little Shekinah sing--it is WELL worth bringing joy to the heart and a smile to today!!

Maybe show this to your family and try the "dare" at the end. :) You may be wowed at what God wants to say through your children. We did the "dare" last night and it was incredibly special to later gather round on the living room floor as the children shared what God had revealed to them as they meditated on Psalm 23:1~each one was so different and so special. We grew.

Blessings as we all grow in waiting on God and knowing His voice more every day...

"My sheep will know my voice" (John 10)

(Ashley will be on the next "Daniel Dare" video we will post and then Jack and Anderson too! ~ stay tuned! )

Turn it into...JOY

This was pressed on my heart for a precious friend...but I can't get it off my heart...its for me as I adore Jesus today...and my gift to you...
Blessings!




You bring restoration
You bring restoration
You bring restoration
to my soul

You've taken my pain
called me by a new name
You've taken my shame
and in it's place, You give me joy

You take mourning and turn it into dancing
You take weeping and turn it into laughing
You take mourning and turn it into dancing
You take my sadness and turn it into joy

hallelujah, hallelujah
You make all things new, all things new

Love, GG

Sow in the Morning....Harvest at Night...

O Lord bless me and keep me cause Your face to shine on me
Lord be gracious lift the light of Your countenance give me peace

I live only to see your face so shine on me

Let the light of Your face shine down on my heart and let me feel it

~ from Psalm 4 vs. 6b.


Woke up to a Golden Morning this Morning
And this is what I am singing today.
And He is singing it back to me.

It is good to seek Him in the morning...
and to walk with Him through the rest of the day




"In the morning, O Lord,
   you hear my voice;
in the morning I lay my 
   requests before you
and wait in expectation."


Psalm 5:3


To sow our requests in the morning 
and to harvest our praise at night...


This is what I am singing today.

Love, Gillian

The Pursuit...always the Pursuit...

And now these three remain:

FAITH, HOPE, and LOVE.  

But the greatest of these is LOVE.

(I Corinthians 13:13)

...THIS
is our new family secret...

We have a green plant that we use as a center piece on our dining room table.  It is a simple houseplant with cheery spreading green "arms" and heart leaves.

Each night conversation, laughter, and singing,and prayer flows over this little humble plant as we sort through the days' business, lessons, trivia, triumphs, stories,  and testimonies. And at the end of the meal we purpose to make sure we have fed everyone  REAL,LIVING FOOD that keeps us ever-full and nourished--God's Word.
  We bring verses that have impacted us in our day with the Lord and share them...or listen to one of the littles read a chapter that they have been reading in their cute lispy way...or we memorise a verse all together...or sing a verse together...

...the Holy Spirit will press on one of us to open up a piece of the Word and share it/ digest it with whoever God has brought to our table that evening.  The corporate "chew" is an incredible dynamic.

  I have learned and been taught by every member of my family here.  For there is no "JR. Holy Spirit"!!  He can speak through a child powerfully and clearly ~ maybe even more so than the adults many times!  We are a flowy family more than a systematic one--so each night looks REALLY different but is rich and precious ~ truly alive.  Then, after Word, we "work out" this word in worship in the living room--or I could say, since what God is doing here is so organic--our Word time that vines around the table springs into blooming,fruitful  praising worship in our living room...

  Before dishes...before bed... THIS...is my favorite portion of the day...

Recently, our fresh green "friend"lost a few leaves the night after our day spent picking blueberries this week. But for a very noble purpose!  (Aren't the humble so often used for noble means?)  :)

We love the Hebraic model of teaching aka. asking questions.  As we impart things to the children.  Our time had gone something like this:


"What was it like to find fruit on the blueberry bushes today?"

Oh, YES...EATING the fruit...that's best part for sure!!

"What was it like to see your bucket filling up with fruit?"

"What do you plan to do with all of that fruit?"

"What happens to a bush that is picked?"

YES!  It makes MORE fruit..!"



"What about the branches that did not have fruit on them?  What about them?"

"Why do you think they did not have fruit?"

You know...JESUS spoke about gardening and pruning and picking and fruit...does anyone know about this?


And God moved the conversation to our little plant on the table...and at this point our little friend lost two leaves for the betterment of our hearts!! :) 

"AW! Don't pick off her leaves!!"

"But what do you think will happen to these leaves?  Can we reattach them?
  Are they getting that good life from the roots of our little plant or from the vine?
  What's going to happen to these little leaves?"  Lets watch them for a couple days and see... (...hint...for those who want to know...shrivel...shrivel...shrink...dry...dust....Poor little leaves...)

And now for the Word...Children, did you know there are SECRETS in the Bible?  God says that if we seek Him out, He will be found and He will share the secrets of His heart with us ~ the secrets of the KING!!  We are going to hide ICor. 13:13 in our heart.

  It is a SECRET to life.

To ABIDING...

In Christ...


  In anything that we are doing whether it is getting along in our family, or doing our work jobs, or in friendships or talents, we can ask this question of ourselves:

"Are we growing in Faith (in this area), Is (this area) full of hope to God? Do we see more and more love (here, in this area?)  Let's take LOVING YOUR BROTHER as an example (hee!hee!~it had been kinda a rough day for this!!)  You could love God in your room or anyplace and just lift up in your hands your love for your brothers~ you could ask yourself, "Did I grow in faith with God in the way I loved my brother today?...Or in the way I forgave my brother today?...cause growing in Faith is actually more important than being right about the card game..."How about my love, God? Did I grow in love with you today?"
 
Jack relates..."you know...its like God is always there but you have to accept Him and let His love grow UP,UP,UP around you.  You gotta CHASE it down...like when I chase Bruik around the house!!!"
 
Bruik beams with pleasure.
 
"Yeah, you gotta chase love down"
 
And we read that NEXT  verse about "pursuing love"... (later he dances this out in the Spirit in the living room...(see video below)
 
Then it is 10 year old Anderson who makes this connection.  "OH! and when you find out that you need to love more you will realise that you JUST DON"T have the love you need.  Then you are like the little green leaves on this plant...as long as you STAY close to Jesus,stay near to Him and repent from what is not love...HIS love will flow THROUGH you...it won't be work!  The leaf just rests on the vine!!!"  He puts his head on the table and grins. :)

"Whoa! "  He rests...in knowing...in loving...in connecting with the one who brought this revelation to his heart...then...

"You know what? I found out today that I never have to be bored!" 

All eyes on Anderson--after all we have been stuck in the house ALOT on 110 heat index days in Missouri summer heat.  "All I need to do is to go in my room and turn on worship music on the radio and sing to God...and I'm never bored!" (and you are abiding my son...)He bounces over to our computer and puts worship music on REALLY loudly and I do not dare turn it down for the children are all so ready to dance...and we flow into worship...

Untitled from gillian tucker on Vimeo.

Untitled from gillian tucker on Vimeo.

...This is sweet Jack "Chasing God's Love Down" ~ Look, Mom! He said, "I'm Chasing Down ...I PURSUING God's Love....I chase Him and He chases me....and His love goes UP, UP,UP all around me...then I bring it to other people too...It heals them...God is chasing them down in His love too..."

Blessings, precious friends!!

Love, 

GG

p.s. Blue Scarf Jack is using for dancing was brought back to us from Ethiopia by Ally P. at the time of the P. family's addition of their beautiful two Ethiopian girls :)

"A Time to Start Looking"

My mind is  full of "beautiful" today.

Outside, the brilliant blue sky is Mediterranean blue with pure white clouds rocking and  traveling across like party boats.

The wind has played with our hair today and blown "helicopter" maple seeds whirling around like Spring confetti all throughout the air and yard.

Writing to you here from my writing desk, a gentle robin bird graces me with the privlege of her trust by fluffing herself down into a woven nest of grass in the tender green peach tree framing  our living room window.  We have been watching her for a week now, swooping down to pluck tuffs of grass and to return to a V in her sheltered spot.

  Little boys have been shewed and warned away from our birdie nursery...and sent to their rooms for climbing up for forbidden peeks none the less--how could they help themselves?

  Robin bird made us break out in muffled laughter  as we  piled and balanced on the sofa by the window and watched her through  glass panes.  As she  busied herself with housekeeping that evening, she  flashed us all with her plump bottom--tail feathers so prettily arranged, like a little petticoat.

How amazing our God is in His creative design..even the robins get undergarments!!..

..Today, beyond the little tree, further out in our yard, Ashley, our 16 year old, suns herself in the yard, soaking in Bible homework in the sun... her face is uplifted now...I think she is enjoying more than the sunshine, heart gazing in enjoyment on the One who made this warmth as a love-gift for her....to mark the days and seasons of her life...until she is with Him for ever...

His...forever...

.Much more distance  away but so close to our heart today...a young girl in far away England will be married tonight...

and become a princess...

I will be setting my alarm for the wee hours of the morning ~ and I do not feel this is over- romatic to do so ~
Can you see my girlie grin????

Rare,pure celebration in the midst of the recent shakings and  birth pangs of the World....
...this is one celebration that needs to be savoured!!

~ "a time to laugh"~

~ 'a time to dance'~  *

~ I would not miss for the world the carriage ride, the flowing train, the flowers,  intimate looks exchanged,the beautiful bride, a glowing groom, a nation filled with Joy !!!

Yet, what pulls me awake and allows me to set my alarm for 3:45 this Friday morning is not only a life-long love for romance,beauty and love...

it is all of this...

plus something...

that sings of what is REAL....   Whispered proclamation of the day of the return of the King of All Kings...

On that day in which we will ALL have a front row seat...and every knee will bow...

And as I have felt, especially recently...

the groan...

of global earthquakes,and southern floods and tornados here at home, the ache of human tragedy, nations caught up in upheavals and rumors of war....

I cannot help but remember the loving warning Jesus gave us about all of this.

...to...look up...

just as we would in our daily lives to check the  the weather for the day...He reminds us to look around and to know that these specific global signs are the beginning of a beginning  of .. expectant waiting...for the King's return...He has said that at His return, all those who believe in Him will rule and reign with Him...there will be

garments,crowns, assignments..

.but what I see and feel is...

His  Presence...standing next to Him...access to the King of Kings...

But not just politically or as an invited guest...but as His beloved...His radiant bride...dressed in a wedding gown prepared without spot or blemish because of what we just celebrated this Sunday in our Resurrection worship...
  How can it be....oh, how can it be...that we who believe in Jesus ARE royalty...But  on the other hand...those of you who believe and belong to Him...

...can't you sense it?..."that" day approaching?...

  As women have we not pretended and daydreamed of what is most beautiful?  As men what is most excellent,strong, and victorious?  I see this in my children.  In my two daughters..."Mommy am I beautiful?  Does this make me look like a princess?"   I see it in my four sons as they pick up sticks and stalk around the backyard guarding and prevailing over the kingdom of dandelions and springtime green. Oh,my....it makes me want to live differently in the mundane moments and more heroically in the challenging times...to know what I have been invited into...
...to understand what is coming...
That, as C.S. Lewis so aptly proclaims it in His Narnia series,
surely "Aslan is on the move"...


Blessings Precious Friends,
Gillian

* (verse quotes from Ecclesiastes 3)

Below here I have placed a gift for you. :)  A look into a wonderful book.
Very rarely do I read a book and say that it has changed my life..
One Thousand Gifts has broadened my heart and has made me more in tune to the voice of Christ.  God has used it to make Joy reign again in my heart through the practice and worship of thankfulness and awareness of His Presence in all aspects of daily life.  I wish I could send out copies to everyone I know and love. This is a worthy read!!
Another bit of "beautiful" to lift up my heart in thanks to God today...



One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp, Excerpt