Sometimes the Thank You is Big and NoISy !! :)

Our Living Room Last Night!

The Children Break Out Into Praise

And Thanks, 

As They Hear the News

That The Funding for the Adopted Baby's Trip Here

Has Come Completely In!

They Then Began Adoring Jesus

And Remembering that He too

Went on a Long Journey

To Be Born

And That He Too was Adopted

And That He Adopts Us Too.

And Incredible Night

Thanks Turned to Worship.

The Glory of a Child's Heart

Will Ever Be a Model for My Own!!

We Can't Wait to Meet Our Baby SOON!!

Thank you for ALL of your love, prayers, generous giving!!

This will enable the first steps of our adoption story to begin!

...

Sometimes the Thank You is BiG and NoIsY

It should be!!

Much Love From the Tucker Family!!

Expectant Arrival

 We have been encouraged to share more of our current story of adoption with you today. Here is a bit more of a look "behind the veil", to understand more of the personal details of this story. Much of the letter below was written by Richard as a letter to our Ministry Partners, those who support our family as missionaries with Monthly financial support and/or Prayer.

(Just being silly ...and getting used to the Moby Wrap for bonding as baby arrives :)

Dear Friends ,
We are updating you on a wonderful “God Story” today! Several weeks ago, we were asked by a missionary who is the founder of the Orphan Justice Center and deeply connected to ministry in the Marshall Islands, if we would adopt a baby about to be born within a month or so. Ever since our “YES!!” we have been readying a place in our home and heart for this little one as we have also been racing through all the details needed to adopt a little one from a foreign land across the sea.
And here we find ourselves once more, walking out the Truth that as God specifically brings His Call to something in your life, He then will wow you with His plans to complete that call!
And wowed we have been!! We have been given extra strength and stamina in these first weeks of my incredible job assignment with the OJC to also push through all the fingerprinting, paperwork, doctor visits, case worker interviews and visits of a Rush Home Study. Life in these weeks has been full of avocation for this little one and his or her family as we have been talking through details for their arrival and birth with lawyers and doctors, case workers and travel agents.
Adoption so clearly displays that we all are a part of God’s incredible family tree. And how He wants as many as possible in His family line! We have been in awe of the outpouring of His heart for this helpless, priceless baby through the hands of His children. The end of our Master Bedroom is now COMPLETELY outfitted with every need a newborn would have, all brought by loving hands who heard this story. It has been Gillian’s delight of course to nest and pray for this little one in the midst of this love!! Many of you have touched our hearts with your messages of blessing, your prayers over us, and financial gifts. We are so blessed by you!
And now we are SO close to meeting our baby. Just the other day, we received word from a doctor in the Marshall Islands that the birth mother is healthy enough to travel. BUT she is very close to giving birth so time is essential to get her on a plane in the next 4-6 days while this “health window” is still open. It is for the baby’s best to be born here in the States. There is a wonderful plan in place for the mother’s care and living situation for after the birth that she is excited about. Her current situation is one of great danger and much poverty. This will be a new beginning for her, a real rescue.
Just last night we received a message from the birth mother through a relative here that she is greatly looking forward to this adoption and that she loves us and chooses us from afar as well. She is asking her relative, who is Renee Loux ‘s daughter, “When am I able to come?”
We are hoping that our brothers and sisters in Christ will be able to help us with that answer this week. We have done all we can in readying our home, heart, and legal standing to receive this young mother and adopt this precious child. All that is needed now is the money for airfare to bring this mother and her toddler child to Kansas City.
Almost $3,500 has been raised over the past weeks!!! Wow!! We absolutely trust that God will provide the remainder of the funds we need from a variety of people who have His heart to help the Fatherless and the Vulnerable.
What we now need is an additional $2,500 to be able to fly the birth mom and her toddler to the US. They will then be met by someone here who speaks Marshallese and who has a connection to their family. They will spend the night in a hotel for one night to allow the mother some rest.
130,000 frequent flier miles would get them to California.  The airline that flies out of the Marshall Islands is United Airlines. This number of miles represents the bulk of their trip. At this point (California), we will most likely switch airlines to Southwest to bring them home to Kansas City.
We would like to invite any of you who have airlines points or “miles” to donate them to this cause?  Or perhaps you may know a friend who has miles to give? Or, the link to use to bless with a donation of the funds needed is:  http://tinyurl.com/clkx6jp
We need you to know, that this story is even greater than the miracle of God knitting two family lines together via adoption. Yes, even beyond the story of a miraculous and powerful physical rescue, this story is about the eternal saving of a family line.
Due to decades of intentional Gospel ministry in the Marshall Islands, Renee Loux and her family have received the trust and love of the people there as well as have seen many transformed by Christ. Even in the past several weeks, due to the influence of the love of God in these missionaries in their home, one of our birth mother’s sisters, who also just had a baby!, accepted Christ with great joy. Two of her young sons were also profoundly touched by the love of God here and Renee reports that their behavior went from totally out of bounds and scared, due to their painful background in the Marshall Islands, to trusting and loving under the influence of the love of God—transformation in a matter of weeks!
This sister is now going back to the Marshall Islands to bring Christ to her husband and family there. Another sister, in a visit to Renee’s family here, is opening her heart to the living God as well. The other day, she visited our Global Prayer Room and was deeply touched by the Presence of God; she has asked to be continually brought back to worship Him. We believe that they and their household “SHALL BE SAVED”. As I had the privilege of holding our baby’s cousin in my arms the other day, I prayed blessing over this family line and claimed God’s inheritance of Himself for these precious babies and their family.

(Our new baby's cousin,Benjamin, born just over a week ago. Held by Renee Loux's son, Sasha )
 

Thank you for partnering with us as we hold out our hands to embrace the growth of God’s Family! We have much joy in this work and are so honored to walk it alongside of you!
Much Love and Blessings,

The Tucker Family (Psalm 10:14)

A Love Letter of Sorts

Oh,my heart ♥, God is doing it AGAIN.

He is telling us His story of destiny of another life He is weaving into our family.

We have watched with awe as God has named each one of our children...each name so fitting...even the ones we thought we were picking out!!..some names have been miracles, like our son, Bruik, who we decided to name, Bruik, after Baruach (gift to God) in the Bible and to give our new son an Ethiopian name as well as a name from our family line, Clement, Richard's middle name, which means, "Mercy".

 When we received our referral information, telling us about our little son, on that sole piece of paper, the only information history we would ever have of his story, at the top was one name, before their early death, his loving parents had named this little one, BRUIK. Named, God's gift or Gift to God on BOTH sides of the world!!

And He did it again with Ava Aday--that story is on This blog--its a miracle as well! 

http://tuckerfamilyadoption.blogspot.com/2009/10/daisy-daisy-ava-aday-we-love-you.html

And with each of my birth children...I was astounded as I recently unpacked each of their names and found His fingerprints ALL over them!

So, knowing He has a "name", a destiny for each of us, that is "written in the palms" of His hand, I was listening for what He would name this new one to our family.

Right away He started whispering to my heart...in simple daily activities and in preparations and advocation and prayers for this little one in the Marshall Islands He is naming this one.

Phrases,

 words...

This time, even on the day we first heard of this baby who needs rescue He said,

"LOVE...DOVE...ROSE"

 "lovie dovie"

 "My Love, My Dove"...

Always one to bring what He says to me to the Word, I of course am finding this one written as a beloved in the Song of Solomon. One night late at night He said, "beloved" "David" and when I looked up the name of the "one after God's own heart" I found that his Hebrew name means, "beloved".

Beloved...Love...Dove...Rose

And then the family was talking over names for baby--we do not know if this is a boy or a girl...if the baby is a girl, we do know the birth mother's name and many in our family were asking to name "her" after her mother. To know a birth mother, to our family is SUCH a sacred honor...we have not had this privilege in our other international adoptions. This sounded sweet, however, I was hoping for a Biblical name for this one...last week, I could not sleep...I tossed and turned, playing with baby names and knitting them to our last name...

The mother's name kept coming to my heart...It was the middle of the night but I careful got up, trying not to wake up Richard and looked up the Hebrew meanings of the names God had been putting on my heart. EACH NAME'S definition was "BELOVED". HOW ABOUT THAT!!!!

 And as I looked up the mother's name, its definition is, "GRACIOUS ROSE". Our little "Rosie Love". :)) Our "Lovie Dovie" A dove in a safe nest..brought from the islands...

or David :)

our beloved son with the heart of a King before God...a worshiper...

And so...Sunday morning was an important morning for solidifying plans to bring this baby and Mother to the States. It is an act of faith and courage to press forward into many unknown details...but we turned the "fire" of avocation up higher...knowing the time is now for this rescue.

 Part of this journey is so hard on a heart becoming very tender in love toward a new child and encouragement is gold in these times. So it took my breath away when, during a regular church service, yesterday, right after I sank into my seat, breathing out trust to God and asking for a Word of confirmation over this child...that...God would name this child, singing over him or her.

 During special worship a lovely woman, Sarah Beford, got up to sing a beautiful, simple song. And I was undone. Over and over in this simple song of worship from Song of Solomon...Sarah sang "My Love, My Dove, My Fair One."

If you saw me in my seat under a river of tears...I was under the pressing of awe that once more we are caught up in GOD'S STORY and song of a life He is rescuing, redeeming, and launching into this world for HIS GLORY, for HIS renown. One Life, SO PRECIOUS to Him ...and two family lines needed to be intersected so that the fullness of His joy and plan for this one baby's life may be realized...the wonder of it all is quite beyond my capability to understand!!

 But I am joyfully in awe.

As I got home from church Sunday..phrases still washing through my spirit for this little baby like gentle waves on sand...I sat and studied in my Bible...in part, I found that the land of Sharon (rose of Sharon) is a fertile land, a fruitful place where King David's cattle grazed...

and that it is carpeted in these wild flowers on its plain in the Spring..

I found that the wild rose is in DANGER from being trampled and from enemies (like our little one is now) and needs the protection of the king...that the wild rose is ruddy and beautiful, Like Jesus. ♥

...that "the rose delights not in fat soils and rich clays, but in rubbish and roses that grow there are of the sweetest smell; such was the earth of Sharon"...and here is this one...who's place is so hard and yet such richness will come from their life's destiny as they are transplanted in our home...OH MY!

"Behold you are fair, my love. Behold you have dove's eyes."

SO Big!

Anyone who knows me for any length of time knows my love of relationships and creativity can trump my love of cleaning. :))

 

Lately, in the midst of an urgent homestudy and all the extra appointments, papers,errands, and most especially the heart space that this is taking up in me...

as my heart is once again in two places..

  in midwestern Missouri ...yet at the same time  half-way across the world in the Marshall Islands...

set on a baby of my heart...

Who may not have had 3 meals to eat today in Momma's Tummy...

who's need for safety and rescue burns on my heart...

who's value and sweetness I am already captivated by...

 

 Well...then things like deep cleaning...well...they just ain't rolling like clockwork, let's say!!? :)))

  I literally have been asking in prayer for God to please send me some regular help here at home.

 I even used the phrase, "like a maid...but without cost". Yesterday, as I was driving home from blood draws, physicals, and TB testing at the doctor's office with half of my family, Richard called me on my cell.

"You gotta hear this, honey!" He went on to tell me we had just received an email asking if we would like to receive help for 2 hours a week from 3 student interns from our ministry base here at IHOP-KC who have adoptive hearts and want to serve our family. At the end of their note, they blessed and thanked us!

 Tears.

 It was SO,SO sweet.

 To be seen.

 For some burden to be lifted by mercy's arms.

 To watch as a SPECIFIC prayer was answered!!!!!!

So at 3pm today, 3 darling college- aged girls showed up at my door with earnest hands and delight in their eyes to serve us!! There is barely ANYTHING in all of creation more beautiful or cuter than a young woman who is full of JOY. They cheerfully asked about our family and some specific needs and then bustled about my house for 2 hours...one girl singing in the kitchen, another gentle soul volunteering with the sweetest smile to clean the bathroom of all places!!...and the other sweeping up places in the living room that I believe have not ever been reached since we moved in...even got UNDER the area rug ...while she bantered and joked with my little kids.

 To top it off they all came to me at 5pm, so pleased with their hard work and me just admiring the shine in my "world" and oooing and ahhing over them!!

 

 One girl said, "This was just like being at a friend's house and cleaning up after a good meal." 

Another said, "I feel like family here." (I was so glad, that had been my prayer for them)

 And the other said, "so just make us a list and we'll come back each week, bet you'll come up with a lot of good stuff after we leave tonight!"

I.tell.you.

This .was .love.

BIG love for this girl!!!! ♥

And if you ever wonder if people's hearts are truly alive? If Christians are "for real"?

Well, you'll know who they are...

When you see them loving BIG and WELL.

You will know them by their love.

Nursery Life in our Little Cottage

Today we readied a nursery in our little cottage. Life in this missionary home has been so sweet.

This is no "Pottery Barn" undertaking, not a catalog will be opened. This room and this baby's life will be full of love...of family...of creativity...of nurture...and joy.  Our hope was to create~ PLACE.  A safe and restful  haven of sorts where soul and mind could rest... and delight in adoration of a new child.
Knowing that this is a rescue... That this one would not have a pillow, or a blanket, or a bed to call, "my own". Makes every element in this room...almost...sacred.

And because I am nesting, I am going over every little onsie and folding the cloth diapers and sage green,yellow, and ivory blankets into neat little piles.  Every single item that has been given to us to use for baby has been in these colors...is that not a kiss from God? It all looks so subtle and soft and yummy together.

It is not lost on me, that Resurrection Day is tomorrow.

And that in part, this day is all about adoption.

My adoption into God's incredible family.

And that Jesus is nesting for me!

Preparing Place in a Kingdom Family.

Oh how I love His family! Oh the JOY in the Father's House!!

Oh how I long to share this JOY once more with another soul and priceless life brought into our fold here at the Tucker home. What an honor it is to know once more we will get to rock and whisper prayers in little ears and hush fears in the name of Jesus and huggle and snuggle and joy over a life rescued unto Fullness of Life in Jesus.

The most precious preparations of course are the ones I am doing when my hands are not busy, when the lights are low...and I sit in one of the chairs above enjoying talking with Jesus...adoring...worshiping...
Preparing Place in my Heart for HIM.
Ensuring my focus is not just on Earthly preparations but those of the heart.
And of course... praying for this new little one.
Who now is a child of my heart.

How I love baby already!
How can this be?
But it is truly so.
The Mama's heart FALLS HARD and falls quickly in love with a new child.

And if you have not adopted before...
The hormone "rides" and the heart leaps and the sheer delight of it all
Is QUITE LIKE the tummy born child.
A child of the Heart is every bit "my own" LONG before we ever hear their cries.

I am in love with a tiny person who lives in a womb. :)
I am in love with a baby who will carry my love forever.

Come, Baby.
We love you.
We want to cover you with our name and surround you with our love.
For always.

Come, Sweetie.
We want to sing you lullabies softly in the middle of the night.
To know the hushed halls of evening song again.
(and we'll take the sleepless hazy dazy...cause we love you so)

Mommy and Daddy LOVE you, darling.
And we know you need to be safe...
We will see that you are.

Come, sweet Baby.
It's only a matter of weeks now!
You are loved....

" In my Father's house there are many resting-places. Were it otherwise, I would have told you; for I am going to make ready a place for you." (John 14:2)

Baby News!

We are delighted to announce to you that we are about to have a baby!!
We are 8 months pregnant!! :))

Deep in the South Pacific, in the beautiful islands of the Marshall Islands, there is a baby who will be born in a month. This baby is soon going to be our new son or daughter!!

Wow! The Lord has moved quickly!! It was just about a month ago that Richard and group of staff led by Renee Loux of the Orphan justice Center, and her mother, Flo, (a pominent missionary in the Marshall Islands), traveled on a ministry trip to Northwest Arkansas to serve the pastors of a large group of people from the Marshall Islands. These pastors have transplanted here in the states. this meeting was a first of its kind and it was quite an honor to be invited.

There leaders had been praying for several years for God to lead people to them; people who would help show them God's keys to bring answers to hardships in their community. During the meeting, after the Marshallese worship and prayer time, pastors shared their hearts. the OJC team was very aware that God was opening a door to have a deep impact in the future within this precious community. Richard and I felt as though this trip was something the Lord was calling us to be a part of, through bringing God's heart and the Good News of His gospel to the nations. We are so excited about partnering with His perfect heart to restore people who are so precious to Him.

Also during this trip, God pressed on several hearts within the OJC team, that He was wanting to do something with children, and restoration.
God used Isaiah 58:6-7 to confirm to us what was on His heart for these precious ones.

"Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke, 
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?
Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter--
when you see the naked, to clothe them,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?"

Little did we know what part He would immediately be inviting us into!!

During the time of this ministry trip, at the beginning of 2013, our hearts were stirring with a favorite theme on God's heart... ADOPTION. The Lord was telling us that it was time again!
Through prayer, and in discussion with one another around the Tucker table, the Lord continued speaking. Our children said things like, "It's time to share my room with a baby!!" They even went back and forth about whose room the baby would be in.

YES.

It is time to walk along side our "Daddy Shepherd" once more...to be awed and stretched, overjoyed and pressed, to yet again see Him knit a new life into our family through the miracle of adoption. The ministry of adoption has been a highlight of our ministry as a couple and as a family.
This journey has pulled us into an utterly dependent and lovesick relationship with God. It has also helped us to fall in love with other cultures, and to know that because of this journey, Christ will receive more inheritance around His throne. We will also be sharing in Christ's suffering and its impact on the voiceless and vulnerable ones. WE want to be a part of His solution for the brokenhearted, to know that captives will be set free under our watch.

Its hard to put into words what it's like to be able to hold and kiss on children who otherwise would have been overlooked, in danger and in great need of rescue. What and honor it is to be a part of seeing children coming to salvation and seeing them literally dance in praise before God!

SO, HERE ARE THE DETAILS!
Just last week, we received a phone call from Renee' Loux with urgent information regarding a Marshallese baby in deperate need. This mother is related to one of Renee's Marshallese daughters, and is also the sister of another woman who is pregnant and adopting her son to Renee'. The baby we are going to be adopting is 1 month from being born. The mother is a young woman shoe will be arriving in the U.S. soon, to have her baby. We were asked if we would  adopt the baby and we excitedly said, "YES!"

The next five weeks will be spent ministering to the needs of this young mother as she prepares to give birth. We will be responsible for her daily care as well as the legal and medical needs of the baby. We greatly look forward to getting to know and show love to the birth mother of our new child. Family is a very strong value in the Marshallese heritage as well as making bonds with his or her family. Please pray with us as we trust Jesus to bring hope to this young woman, the hope that can only come from God.

We would love to invite you to pray with us and for us! We would appreciate your prayers for the baby's health, for safe travels, for a healthy birth, and for a smooth transition for the Tucker family as we bring in another son or daughter.

We are estimating that the total cost of this adoption will be around $ 25,000. This will include the home study, various travel fees (for example passport, plane tickets, legal costs for the mother and the child, care for the mother prior to and just after the delivery, and the delivery itself.)

We are confident that God will be faithful to complete all the good work He's begun and has called us to. We have lived this reality as missionaries, it's incredible!

Due to the urgent timing of this adoption story, we will need to raise the funds for this baby's adoption within weeks. There are several thousand dollars that will need to be raised within the next week.

We know that many of you, our fiends, have hearts for the vulnerable. We ask for your prayers for this little one. We ask also that you seek the Lord as to what part you might play in this story of rescue.

To give a donation online please use this link, http://tinyurl.com/clkx6jp

All checks may be written to Orphan Justice Center, with a note stating that your gift is to going towards our adoption. For example, 'Tucker Adoption", in the memo line of the check. Checks may be mailed to the following address:

Orphan Justice Center
P.O. Box 877
Grandview, MO 64030

Thank you for walking with us in the glory of adoption!
Love from,
Richard, Gillian, and all the Tuckers!

I am a REAL Bunny ...and so is she...

Oh, little Velveteen Rabbit...its not like I'm mad at you or anything...but...living your story is heavy sometimes...I don't want another one...I'm just saying,

"Ouch, it HURTs to be a bunny."

And I hope I do not offend you when I let you know that I have decided that I am not going to take your definition any more as a statement for my life as an adoptive mommy.

  Did you not say,

"Real isn't how you are Made, It is a thing that happens to you."?????

 


There, I SAID it.

I AIN'T REAL cause of my difficult circumstances

or in the moment that the beloved child whispers it in my ear.

What "happens" to me does not make me.

I am not a product of the days events --be they pleasant or hard, or of  my thoughts and expectations, or of fleeting feelings from one day to the next.

I am not what the other "bunnies" say I am

or who I am in those little eyes...

Or What I sometimes see when I look in the mirror on an especially hard day...

You didn't get it completely ,Velveteen Rabbit---although I just love you so...

Cause I find my Wisdom in another book...in another story...of a young, perfect KING who came from a far off heavenly land...He left His Father's house...to come and find this ole bunny...to find me in the garden...all dishelved and burnt on the rubbish heap...He found me in my helpless failings...and while I was quite lifeless and stuffed with sawdust and other junk...

He stooped down to make me REAL..

to BREATHE REAL Life into me

and He tells me...He has begun to show me that...

Oh, His promises are much GREATER than those nursery promises little rabbit...

I am alive, I am REAL because of ONE who burns with Life and Hope on my insides.

I am a REAL Bunny.

And here is a secret my gentle little friend,

Your story does not end with becoming a real bunny.

REAL BUNNYS Hurt.

And there is a Bunny Shepherd who has ointment for our wounds.

Now you will know thirst and hunger...

But there is the gardener in the midst of the bunnies who IS the living water AND the Bread that brings life...

You will have an awareness of dangers...you will have to be a little warrior


but He will cover you with His great big shield, and under it you will find security and victory.

for Real Bunnies still have fire to go through...beyond the bonfire of the toy pile...

But it is  REFINING fire.

And it really is O.K.

For once  this type of grooming session is over, and I have been through so many lately little rabbit,

You will find that "toy fur" burnt off to reveal...not a Real "me" but "Christ IN me...the HOPE of Glory".

Behold, the new WILL come, little bunny...


My Story

 O.K....Here is my very real story from last week.  I want you to to have this view so that you may know a bit more how to love and support adoptive moms.  Perhaps know how to more fully love an adoptive child?  And if you are "stuck" in suffering...that Jesus is your answer to.  There IS hope for you, my friend..

First, the REAL High

We hit the highs and the lows here at the Tucker house last week.  We celebrated an 11th birthday, my husband experienced a wonderful first week of continued training for ministry, and my children all had an unusual blessing of encountering God at school all week in their assembly times...God was especially present and visited the kids with much power and joy...true revival broke out this week among the students.  The joyful worship rocked their building and broke out of the assembly time so that for three days, the schedule of classes were pushed back as the kids experience the fresh presence of God in Worship,prayer, and in God's movement on them in restoration and in healings.  More, Lord!  I love that He broke this out among children--it has been so powerful!!

There were kids that were delivered of self-hatred.  There were kids that wept over love for God. There was prayer for our city, prayer for our nation. Adoration, Worship.  They prayed over each other for hours.  Joy came. So did travailing prayer.  These kids have been crying out for God to visit them. He came.

                                             [Our Ashley and friends this week]

This is what "revival" looks like.  and He started with the children--how like Jesus who put children before Him and instructed us to look like them!

Genuine revival has Christ walking within it. "The Hope of Glory" changes our lives...He truly does.  The kids all of them--carried this home and our home was been so full of the tenderness of the Holy Spirit's love.  It was one of those weeks, so full of  glory that it takes your breath away...

To add, the children's school was not the only place where God was blessing His people in this way last week.  As Richard came home from his Bible classes and from the prayer room at International House of Prayer the SAME wave of God's presence and love was moving in his classes and in the prayer room.  All classes were cancelled so that  they  could just move into a solemn assembly and worshiped with  expectancy.

  There was MUCH JOY on the mission's base. Healing was a part of God's strong presence in our midst. Richard was blessed with actually seeing God's power move in love in this way. On Saturday, Richard was ministering at our Saturday service.  He was laying hands on and praying for anyone who had a need.  There was a man who had a condition with his hands that he had had for over ten years, it made his hands gnarled and curled up with pain.  As Richard prayed for him, the man's hands began to straighten!  The two men joyfully continued on asking for Jesus' healing until Richard watched the man's hands relax and straighten.  It was powerful~ the man felt so loved~ and this was only one of the miracles that swirled around us this weekend!

In the Midst of the Garden...

With all this beauty...that we have asked for, fasted for...pressed into God in prayer for...and as we saw it breaking out....you would think we would have been immune from any pain or trial last week.

NOPE

It made me a TARGET for attack...and since our enemy is not fair and is a MEAN BULLY he targeted my adoptive mother's heart and my little bunny, Ava.
You see, if Jesus was breaking out...if so many kids were getting delivered and this is truly what Mama Gillian has been declaring with much strength lately...then a surprise attack...could it knock her down so that she and Ava might not receive the promise of healing all around them?...

 Nothing happens to me that does not pass through  my loving Father's hands.

and like I said above, my circumstances do NOT determine who I am or what my destiny is.  But OH, this does not take the pain away as you walk through the fire...

 Thursday could not have been sweeter...Anderson made sure all the other siblings felt included in his celebrations and it was Ava who got to share about her brother who tickles her and makes her feel "all loved and tickley" we laughed and played and ate too much cake...and after the party there were snuggles for little girls and a book read by an older sister and a special connection at Bible time and singing that blessed us all...

Kids were excused to get on jammies before one last game before bed...and as our little happy bunny went downstairs...

A serpent was waiting...
and a lie was hissed in her ear...




It may have been something like,

"Are you REALLY part of this loving family?"


"Is this REAL?"


"Come on, are you a REAL Bunny?  Who do you think you are?"

And my little bunny looked down at something that she considered to be shabby...and then she tore up her little girlie room. 

I was setting up the game, that is one of my little bunny's favorites, and as she entered the room she declared in a really loud, kind of overly cheerful way,

"OH, I HAVE IT ALL FIGURED OUT."

"YOU'RE NOT MY REAL MOM!"

she turns to the other adoptive child in my home who had just had SUCH a normal, great day...and birthday days can be a trigger for him so this was a huge victory for him and that tongue that lied to her now lied to him,

"MOM IS OUR SECOND MOM. SHE IS NOT REAL"



... and words, what are they?

  They could have been passed for childish expression until..

They continued and continued for the rest of the night...

until...I went down to get something for my bunny and I saw the ripped up bunny's nest downstairs in her room.

A firey dart tried to find its way into my Mother's heart...this is familiar war ground...
familiar battle over the identity of this little soul, and who she is

familiar battle over who I am as her mother...

and all I could say, inside my heart in that moment was,

ouch. OUCH! OUCH!!!!!

I tucked my bunny in bed with many kisses and prayed fervent, silent prayers in the only name that has true power, Jesus' name over her.

Sword, Shield...Engarde!!

Oh it's ON, serpent. This mama bunny is a warrior bunny!!

And yet, the words picked on me as I went about my chores..I carried them into prayer ..and they bothered me through the night..

Friday morning is a work morning for me at my children's school.  I LOVE my job!  I am the school's librarian.  I joke with my husband that I'm the fun kind of Librarian not the bun kind!!

Friday, my bunny and I spent the morning getting the house in order and then driving to work.  All morning long I was followed literally around by my bunny who repeated over and over that I was not REAL and that our family was not REAL.  I am not exaggerating that EVERY word that came out of my little girl's mouth was on this subject of REAL.  It was wild and I was acutely aware I was under attack and that so was my little bunny.  I tried leading her into a loving conversation about her birth mom , tried to trace her story with her...but none of this satisfied.  hiss,hiss,hiss....it was continuous in her ears that morning...poor little bunny...and all the language was a searing wound in my heart...

I cannot express how intense some of these times are with our adoptive children as they wrestle and rework the puzzle of who they are.

..the problem arises when not all the puzzle pieces can be found...then what???

And the question of this morning was, "am I REAL?"

"am I REALLY in a forever family?"

am I REALLY a blood daughter, loved like all the rest in this nest?"


...And the question intended for me was,

"Has everything you have poured into this child...

...all the "hair falling off" REALLY MADE ANY DIFFERENCE?..

ALL those times you served and laid it all down...

ALL those prayers...

all the trust you believed to be building up...where is that now???

...Listen, here she is declaring right now that

'any mother could be her mother after all'

and that

'maybe we should get some more moms for our family, or another mommy for us wouldn't that be better?'.

and' living here is o.k. but...'

..Have you REALLY become her mother?"

The language and the questions continued...but as I turned off the car in the parking lot of school, something turned on inside of me.  It was a declaration.


"This is attack and for Ava's sake and mine I am going to make a stand.  I am going to RESIST this until it flees from her and from me today.  There is a victory coming for this little girl.  I'm not backing away.  I see this for what it is, attack.  I'll stand and wait for deliverance."  Sometimes, as the Word says, all we can do is "stand"...

It wasn't over yet

As we walked into the building and talked to a lovely friend at the sign in desk I felt nauseous.   My stormy day did not seem to "fit" with the revival that was going on in the building...or maybe it was perfectly fitting!!...it was 11a.m. and I still heard the vibrations of worship from the teenagers coming through the walls next to the auditorium as I made my way to our little library...

As I turned on the light and started to re shelve books I felt overstimulated among all the books...

One of the administrators, who I love, suggested I display the books that day in a way that would draw the children's eye more.  I started turning the faces of the book covers around to greet and face the children...while I worked...my bunny was at my side...the subject was the same one as the rest of the morning.

Wow, was this truly going to last ALL day?

  A lady popped her head in the library and greeted us.  The distraction was wonderful!  As I shelved, we visited a little...


"How are you?""


I wanted to shout, I"M TERRIBLE!!  and scream and tell her that I feel like the WALKING WOUNDED...don't you see my head wound?  Can't you SEE it?...but I was held back...and this was good for...
You would not believe the next question that came out of this well-meaning mouth...I don't fault her...like Peter, we can say glorious mysteries that are right on in one minute and then in the next , if not dialed in and listening to God's voice ...out of that same mouth...we can say words tailored by the enemy...




"Hey, I've been meaning to ask you,

How many REAL kids do you have?"



Oh no, you didn't!!
Oh, yes, she did.
It was that kind of a moment.
It was that kind of a day...and this was the PERFECT fire for my heart.

"Well,"  I looked down at the books in my hands, and then over at my bunny,

"I have SIX REAL KIDS, right, Ava honey?"

Ava came over and clung on my leg.

{People,people... please NEVER ask this question to an adoptive mom and especially in front of her child!!}

But I knew why I was getting the question...and I was going to keep standing until I saw Jesus step in and bring HIS message to my little girlie and my heart that day.

We dove into our little project and then had the LOVELY distraction of six classes worth of students coming through the room.  Ava played mommy to her dollies and pretended at my feet and looked through books and hugged sweet children who I helped to match with books.  Its a great job!  I took it because I believe that finding the right book is all about blessing that child's uniqueness and identity.  I have prayed that the children who find their way into the library will also be blessed by love's presence through Jesus' simple love through me and that they may walk out confirmed of their beauty as hearts are revealed as they choose their books...

That the Librarian and her child were  needing confirmation this day was and unexpected turn of  events among the collection of books..

As one group of students went out, the books needed refreshing...more needed to be pulled out and displayed..and I was handed this returned book...that had just made its way back to needing to be reshelved.

It was the Velveteen Rabbit.

The more I live in Christ, the more I find that He, the most beautiful of authors, writes my life in just this way.


"Hello, sweet Jesus, this is from you." my heart prayed.

It was a beautiful edition of a well-loved classic that I have read over and over and mulled over through my years.  Recently I have found that not only I but my adopted children as well identify with this little rabbit...

I had just a moment to "pet" the beautiful pages of the book ~ if you love to read you know of which I speak! ~ and then I propped it open to the page of the little bunny, REAL and dancing all among the other real bunnies.

"In your name, Jesus, this is who I am in you.  This is who she IS in YOU.  We are REAL in you.  YOU are my REAL."

Our last group of students came into the library, it was one of my favorite classes--my son Bruik is among them and I have watched and love them grow for a while now.  One of my FAVORITE children in the class is a precious little girl who is full of life and glory.  She is FUNNY, she is WITTY, she is so loving and has a real gift for connecting to God's heart and understanding His ways.  She butts heads with my little Bruik half the time and the other half of the time squeeze hugs him with love. She is a blessed special needs girl who is wiser and more spectacular than most girls you'll meet.  and, oh, yes...she's also been adopted...and is SUCH a blessing to her astounded mom who comes to me with precious stories of this incredible creation--I JUST LOVE HER.
So this little girl is trying to pick out a book and this day she is having a BEAR of a time finding JUST the right one.  "Do you have any mysteries, Mrs. Tucker?...no thanks don't want a mystery...oh,oh,oh!! I KNOW what I want."..and the choices went kind of on and on that afternoon...until the check out computer is about to be shut down and this little one is the last child along with me among the shelves.  She was the LAST student.

She slowed.  She stopped....right in front of the Velveteen Rabbit book...
I don't really know why I did it but my hand came in front of the book--almost guarding it from her view...
I did't want to have this conversation. Today. Right then. With her. Precious her.

What about THIS book?

I heard myself talking in that falsetto adult voice, "OH, this is a GREAT book, honey." Smile.  I felt uncomfortable.  I half lied. "Its a story of a toy bunny that becomes, REAL."

She looked up at me through her little glasses. "HMMMNnnnn."
She's thinking.
I'm nailed.

"Isn't there something about a sick boooooy in here?  and  some tooooys?"

"Ah, Hem...Yes."
She looked  like she was grasping for something lost...
"OOOOooooh...Mommy read this book to me"  She looks like she is searching....for something forgotten...for something that may not be so pleasant..."

"Tell me about the fire, Mrs. Tucker"

She looked up at me as if to say, 'Don't lie to me, Mrs. Tucker. They burned that bunny. Tell me the Truth Mrs. Tucker."

She was waiting on me for an answer about the broken bunnies.  And, Lord, I don't want to give her that answer....she's not the broken one anyhow in this moment...I am!...

And in that moment, we looked down to see the page that she had turned to in the beautiful old  book.  It was blue, and at the center of the illustration was a gorgeous fairy and dancing bunnies all around her.

"OH! I remember!  There's an angel!!, " she sighed and smiled BIG..."Tell me about the ANGEL, Mrs. Tucker."

"Oh, yes." She smiled.  "That's what I remember."


She picked up the book and hugged it to herself. Then,  "I won't be needing this."  She set it back gently on the shelf,  and turned to land on her final decision... after several other final decisions...she plucked up a fluff bit of book called,"Pinky Dinky Doo" and I totally laughed out loud and sailed a goodbye toward her as she bounded out of the room to check it out. :)

Later, after my shift at school and piano lessons that fill my home with the reminder of what is glory...I was still feeling tattered...

like a big ole bunny...

But settled and at rest.  Ready to continue to press in to being a REAL mom to all of my REAL children.  I was deciding on dinner as well as deciding to keep standing on Truth even though I had not seen it in my parenting of that day...when I heard another little person sit down at the piano...and worship sounds started coming from the piano... REAL joyful noise, the kind that God mentions and asks for in the Psalms...

And my family is my witness that I actually heard my little bunny turn not only into a REAL bunny but metamorphosis into a SONGBIRD.

Now, worship and speaking out Truth is a gift from God that He will bring on this little one in certain sweet times, and had I subcombed to the attack and fought with HER instead of the lies...we might have missed out on this GLORIOUS moment...really...our warfare is THAT REAL.

Little Ava's hands were making BEAUTIFUL sounds on the piano
Chords...musical progressions...melodic notes...REAL melody...

Richard and I gathered in the kitchen, catching each other's eyes, "Are you HEARING THIS?"

And then this clear little voice started singing...the bunny is a songbird!!

"OOOOHhhh, Jesus...I just Looove you...
You made me on purpose.  And everything you make is REALLLLLly Goood.
I want to be with you every day.  You are the hero and I want to be with you every day.

We NEED you, come to us, Jesus!
We NEED you.
Come to US.

Oh, there's worship and there's the pain! ...and I'm growing...I'm GROWING UP LIKE A DAISY (the meaning of her African name we gave her, Aday)

Yeah, I'm growing up like a DAISY in the house of the Lord.
We NEED YOU, Jesus!
Come to us..."

She sang and sang and we cried and Richard put his head down on the counter in the kitchen and shook with laughter that is the surprised kind that comes when God just puts his glorious foot down in your midst.

Oh, don't ever stop! my Heart cried out!  You are worth the "stand"

And then we heard,

"Fill our house with angels God...you are fillin' it Right now...I feel you comin' to us...just fillin' our house UP with your angels...We NEED you Jesus...We worship you..."

Who's the Mommy?  Who's the REAL Daddy?  He showed up in that moment.   Who are we REALly?  This turns out to be the WRONG QUESTION.  So take that, enemy!!

The question that sets us FREE was asked 2 millennial years ago by Jesus, the King of all broken hearts and the Shepherd of all "bunnies and songbirds"

...the question is, "Who do you say that I am?"  and when we get this before us...and find our identity in Him...when we lose ourself in THIS fire...we raise up out of that pire with power, life, and REAL joy in knowing that He who is IN us IS our HOPE of GLORY.

  He is enough.  He is THE solution for each of us.  Because HE is REAL, I live.

  Because HE lives there is INCREDIBLE HOPE for my children. ~  All six of my REAL kids!

Love, Gillian