A Love Letter of Sorts

Oh,my heart ♥, God is doing it AGAIN.

He is telling us His story of destiny of another life He is weaving into our family.

We have watched with awe as God has named each one of our children...each name so fitting...even the ones we thought we were picking out!!..some names have been miracles, like our son, Bruik, who we decided to name, Bruik, after Baruach (gift to God) in the Bible and to give our new son an Ethiopian name as well as a name from our family line, Clement, Richard's middle name, which means, "Mercy".

 When we received our referral information, telling us about our little son, on that sole piece of paper, the only information history we would ever have of his story, at the top was one name, before their early death, his loving parents had named this little one, BRUIK. Named, God's gift or Gift to God on BOTH sides of the world!!

And He did it again with Ava Aday--that story is on This blog--its a miracle as well! 

http://tuckerfamilyadoption.blogspot.com/2009/10/daisy-daisy-ava-aday-we-love-you.html

And with each of my birth children...I was astounded as I recently unpacked each of their names and found His fingerprints ALL over them!

So, knowing He has a "name", a destiny for each of us, that is "written in the palms" of His hand, I was listening for what He would name this new one to our family.

Right away He started whispering to my heart...in simple daily activities and in preparations and advocation and prayers for this little one in the Marshall Islands He is naming this one.

Phrases,

 words...

This time, even on the day we first heard of this baby who needs rescue He said,

"LOVE...DOVE...ROSE"

 "lovie dovie"

 "My Love, My Dove"...

Always one to bring what He says to me to the Word, I of course am finding this one written as a beloved in the Song of Solomon. One night late at night He said, "beloved" "David" and when I looked up the name of the "one after God's own heart" I found that his Hebrew name means, "beloved".

Beloved...Love...Dove...Rose

And then the family was talking over names for baby--we do not know if this is a boy or a girl...if the baby is a girl, we do know the birth mother's name and many in our family were asking to name "her" after her mother. To know a birth mother, to our family is SUCH a sacred honor...we have not had this privilege in our other international adoptions. This sounded sweet, however, I was hoping for a Biblical name for this one...last week, I could not sleep...I tossed and turned, playing with baby names and knitting them to our last name...

The mother's name kept coming to my heart...It was the middle of the night but I careful got up, trying not to wake up Richard and looked up the Hebrew meanings of the names God had been putting on my heart. EACH NAME'S definition was "BELOVED". HOW ABOUT THAT!!!!

 And as I looked up the mother's name, its definition is, "GRACIOUS ROSE". Our little "Rosie Love". :)) Our "Lovie Dovie" A dove in a safe nest..brought from the islands...

or David :)

our beloved son with the heart of a King before God...a worshiper...

And so...Sunday morning was an important morning for solidifying plans to bring this baby and Mother to the States. It is an act of faith and courage to press forward into many unknown details...but we turned the "fire" of avocation up higher...knowing the time is now for this rescue.

 Part of this journey is so hard on a heart becoming very tender in love toward a new child and encouragement is gold in these times. So it took my breath away when, during a regular church service, yesterday, right after I sank into my seat, breathing out trust to God and asking for a Word of confirmation over this child...that...God would name this child, singing over him or her.

 During special worship a lovely woman, Sarah Beford, got up to sing a beautiful, simple song. And I was undone. Over and over in this simple song of worship from Song of Solomon...Sarah sang "My Love, My Dove, My Fair One."

If you saw me in my seat under a river of tears...I was under the pressing of awe that once more we are caught up in GOD'S STORY and song of a life He is rescuing, redeeming, and launching into this world for HIS GLORY, for HIS renown. One Life, SO PRECIOUS to Him ...and two family lines needed to be intersected so that the fullness of His joy and plan for this one baby's life may be realized...the wonder of it all is quite beyond my capability to understand!!

 But I am joyfully in awe.

As I got home from church Sunday..phrases still washing through my spirit for this little baby like gentle waves on sand...I sat and studied in my Bible...in part, I found that the land of Sharon (rose of Sharon) is a fertile land, a fruitful place where King David's cattle grazed...

and that it is carpeted in these wild flowers on its plain in the Spring..

I found that the wild rose is in DANGER from being trampled and from enemies (like our little one is now) and needs the protection of the king...that the wild rose is ruddy and beautiful, Like Jesus. ♥

...that "the rose delights not in fat soils and rich clays, but in rubbish and roses that grow there are of the sweetest smell; such was the earth of Sharon"...and here is this one...who's place is so hard and yet such richness will come from their life's destiny as they are transplanted in our home...OH MY!

"Behold you are fair, my love. Behold you have dove's eyes."

The Story of the Apple and the Rose

For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.             

                                      (Ephesians 2:10)

Hello, my friend.

I was looking down the lane for you today.

Come in, come in....:)

I've just been dreaming of gardening...of an English Cottage...with a rose bush...and an Apple Tree growing there...and I have saved a little story for you...


But, this little story for us today is worthy of a gentle little sit down. So, I'll be glad to get you a little tea...

or some coffee perhaps?

While we sit down to this little video together...my beloved friend :) You are WELCOME here. Please settle in and enjoy this sweet parable just for YOU.


 My Precious friend, if you have EVER compared yourself to another (like me), this sweet story is for you. You are of immeasurable worth, truly. There is NO other creation on this Earth like YOU.

This may take a moment to load (perhaps a minute)...another scone perhaps while we wait? (this video played much more smoothly on my computer in full screen mode)





(This young man is from the Bible School at our ministry here in Kansas City ~ so many hearts in love with Jesus in the young people around us. ~ There's only one thing more beautiful than a young heart in love with Jesus--that would be, an old,old heart in love with Jesus--is there anything more exquisite? ♥ )

And...Looking across the table, I see you today and ask,

"What kind of a creation are you today?"

 

A  Rose?

 

An Apple?

 

A Bird?

I was driving one of Graham's teenage friends home the other day and as we were spying out the window for possible deer in his neighborhood he shared that this is the animal that has always been a reminder of how God made him ~ jumping high over obstacles ~ running free...
 

How about you?

Love to you...the only one who is...YOU, today. I am So glad God had you in His heart to create YOU...before the foundations of the world. YOU are Made by the Worthy one...and this brings great and glorious worth to your life. YOUR life is a unique gift to His world and He has love from His heart Just for you.

 

        Be so Blessed Today, My Dear Friend,

Love, Gillian

Child of Wonder....Child of God....Oh, my Boys...

Cute Little Boys!!


Three of the Tucker brothers share a room.

10,7,and 6 year olds

And last night they made me laugh!!

We were going through the evening routine when the subject of marriage came up.  :)


Jack, all business announces, "Marriage, yeah..."He saunters over to his lower bunk and swings himself in... "I've got that ALL figured out."

 "Oh, really?"  I laugh :)

"YEAH!" Bruik peeks out of his covers, Big almond eyes shining with excitement,

"ME TOO!"...He exhales....I'm going to be

RICH.

(oh,NO, I'm thinking....we've got alot of training to do here!!)

But he stands up on his covers and declares,

"Yeah, I'm gonna be RICH cause I'm going to marry my wife and we are going to take care of hundreds of babies"

"Yep,...me too"  Jack still so matter of fact..."gonna adopt alot of kids and take care of them."

Bigger bother chimes in from the top bunk...

"Well, I'm making a list...I may not know her YET...but maybe I MIGHT..."  He stuffs his head into his pillow while his brothers explode with OHHHHHhhhhhh noises and reved up laughter

...bigger brother turns a shade of light red....

He stuffs his head in the pillow to not reveal any more sound of heartstrings playing...and we hear "Well, I am making a list."

They all calm for a second in the midst of some hyper giggles to each give sweet lists of who they pray God will pick for them in their future wife...

And I am thankful, honored to be sitting a bottom bunk in the midst of lego creations,army men, books, and paper airplanes...suddenly not so rushed to keep to the schedule...we dream of courting and dates, and beautiful ladies who are kind and generous, who love Jesus with all their hearts, and who love my boys...

 And I am thankful I get to be their girl first...

They listen to sappy stories...about how Daddy and I first met ....and how we "knew"

They grin ...my junior knights...

How blessed three fair maidens will be one day...

The moment is mist  --in just a moment laughing returns

and body noises replace deep heart sharing...:)

Yep, time to get these guys tucked in...

But to go off to pray and wonder over precious destinies of the boys I get to steward...

The weight of the day has all fallen off in the past minutes...what glory can surprise us in our every day moments!!

Blessings to the boys in your camp!!

Treasure Em :)

Take it from a mama who now buys shaving cream for her oldest son

It "all" is over...in just

Moments...

Treasure them

Love, Gillian




Remember me
In a Bible cracked and faded by the years
Remember me
In a santuary filled with silent prayers

CHORUS:
And age to age
And heart to heart
Bound by grace and peace
Child of wonder, Child of God
I'll remember you
Remember Me

Remember me
When the color of the sunset fills the sky
Remember me
When you pray and the tears of joy
fall from your eyes

CHORUS

Remember me
When the children leave
their Sunday school with smiles
Remember me
When they're old enough to teach
Old enough to preach
Old enough to leave

CHORUS

Age to age and heart to heart
Child of wonder child of God

Remember me

Age to age and heart to heart
Child of wonder child of God

Whoa!! Stepping out into the ravine? Tucker journey update...

Did you know that when Abraham was called by God out of his family's land, he ended up traveling 1,200 miles ON FOOT to the promised land???

And then...
This "father of nations" spent the rest of his days living in tents--never again did he live over a solid foundation of a home.


That makes 550 miles to Kansas City in a large U-Haul truck and a loaded -down Suburban sound REALLY "cushie" :).

It actually makes our consideration-- in a family meeting the other night with Ashley and Graham-- (due to financial reasons) of fitting our family into a 2 bedroom apartment for the next season sound pretty good too!--But you can stop holding your breath--the apartment management companies would not allow our number of people due to fire codes!! Bummer!! :) That was pretty wild to figure out until we were told no. And, life away from stuff to fuss with seemed rather freeing for a moment too!!

SOoooo the question of late has been somewhat like, "When God has called you to something quite incredible-- when you have heard His voice and KNOW that you KNOW that you KNOW that He is saying, GO!!!!--How 'low' can you go?--How little could you live with or on? or what is so precious to you that you could not live without it or leave it behind?"

This is a VERY easy question for me to answer when we are talking about OTHER people's things. It was exceedingly easy in our family meeting as Graham was instructed that Bella the Python was a pocession that was not right for life in smaller digs!!--or at least sharing bedroom space with my babies or me! :)!!!

Simple, huh?

But when I saw the look in Graham's eye...

...and then, I "got" the same feeling the next day, as I began to fit our pocessions into a space that will be a fourth to a third the size of what we are used to now...

How are you doing packing away YOUR pretties, Gillian?

--I must say--my heart was deceptive,fleshy, and tantrumy--

It was not a pretty site--

Mommy clutching onto my clipboard with cartoon electricity coming out of my hair and dying to that Martha side (I'm refering to the one on T.V. --Ms. Stewart-- not the Biblical one--or maybe there is a sad comparison here!!for my HEART and SPIRIT DO call out to be a 'Mary'--NOT a Martha!!)

Until...

"Gillian, who do you say that I am?"
"Gillian, do you Trust me?"

God pressed on my heart yet again ...and all the fullness of Himself flooded my heart...I had to confess my ugly attitude to my kiddos and with our circumstances and kneel in the middle of our boxes and again make my testimony, "Here I am, God...I love you...I adore you...YOU are my life...send me into the center of your will...not only WHEREever it is but WHATever it is!! ....WHAT a journey we are about to embark on!! Bring on the packing tape and get on with the Craiglistings!!

I actually believe that God is a very generous Father who has amazing plans for His children--He does not leave the righteous forsaken--I proclaim without doubts that as our story unfolds our life in Him will be a testimony,a "proof" of how He loves to complete what He calls us to--and what provision and glories he has for His children that not only hear His voice but follow it.

And we already have praise reports about this as we step into the first part of our call to a new ministry, land, and life:

Two fridays ago, we received a call OUT of the BLUE--a beautiful,Godly family offered to rent our current home until we sell it--what a gift!!

The conversation started out with this phrase, "Hi, Gillian this is J., this is going to be a very unusual conversation." Immediately my ears and heart were pricked--God often calls us to things that are seemingly impossible and absolutely illogical so that He'll get all the credit and glory--"very unusual" sounded very "usual" kingdom-wise. :)

WELL!! the blessing was MUCH more than timing or finance or detail for as we sat in our living room with this PRECIOUS couple and their sweet family they told our story of calling--I mean, it was not the exact story--but EVERY other element was there.

This husband called to be a preacher,

mine called to be a pastor.

They do not know what the next step is except that the only word God has for sure given them is , "Stay"--the only word we have been given is, "GO".

They shared encouraging verses that were "our" verses.

And as S. answered Richard's question of "tell me how you KNOW that God has called you to this next step"--his answer was WORD for WORD what Richard says each time he speaks about this calling and the other times God has brought us on a journey.

"You know you are called when nothing else works and this is the ONLY thing you can do."

We laughed--probably too loud for where we were in this tender conversation--and almost fell out of our chairs--again--It was WORD for WORD what Richard says about calling because of his growth in Jesus. Sometimes God just talks out loud--and gives ALOT of repetition--we must be need of this teaching/parenting style of encouragement for He is literally hedging us in with Word to us about journey, will, following Him, continuing to press into seemingly blank areas so that He can reveal the next step of His will to us...

And then it was Richard's turn to answer the question...
And I have to tell you that he acted this out in our living room as he shared it. :)!!

One of Richard's favorite movies is "Indiana and the Temple of Doom".
Yeah, we were teens in the eighties!!

There is this one scene of a deep and wide ravine--Indiana is being pursued--he is going through a set of "tests" in this ancient area that reveal the way to treasure --each one with a biblical allusion (I loved that part of the movie too!)--at this ravine, he starts sweating and shaking--what is he to do...he looks down--the movie prop rock bounces all the Waaaay down to the depths--we hear its descent...--then he stands up- caaaarefully as he picks up his foot and mumbles, "Of course, the walk of Faith" He puts his foot down into...nothingness...and is jolted still--a stone step has appeared and is holding him up--of course the bad guys are showing up at this point too and Indiana (Harrison Ford) has to leap continually into the nothingness of the ravine as step after step appears only AFTER he has set his feet down. This is one of Richard's favorite pictures of faith--and you gotta see him acting it out for our friends in our livingroom!! No matter what the "test" or the "ravine" or the circumstance--God IS there and I believe God our Father is pleased with our faith that, knowing He is there,does NOT shrink back but banks our life on this and step out into what we cannot see. "Faith is EVIDENCE of what we cannot see" after all...

What is He calling your heart to?

Do you have a ravine in front of you?

We do.

I plan to keep stepping out and letting our Father catch us.

Even this morning we asked Him in tears for Faith that will walk forward into what we do not see.

...And away from those familiar banks...


We had a precious missionary mom in my home this week--a brand new friend who is being called by God with her husband to FRANKLIN in a very dramatic and unique way--God has sent an unusual amount of precious people (that I previously did not have a close relationship with) TO MY DOOR and TO MY PHONE over the past weeks--it has been mind-boggling how sweet He is and how much He is NOT going to let us withdraw from this calling!! B. sat on my livingroom sofa and I knew that she was speaking God's words to me when she said, "All my family lives in ---. This has been heart-breaking to even think of being apart from them--but how could I NOT? I really believe that, now, in this season, God is giving out special assignments to those that are seeking Him out in intercession--This is a really special time to listen to Him. He is getting His people ready--I am seeing so many example of this--moving those who are listening and obeying into position for where they will be most effective for the Great Global Harvest to come before He comes back."

So the rest of our week? What will it hold?

We can't see it yet. :) But we do know we will be hugging precious necks of those we have loved in the Nashville area for almost 20 years...

And crying sweet tears of love.

Thanking God for all He's done here and praising HIm in wonder for what He is bringing us to...

Squeezing my mom and dad REALLY tightly--this part of the call is achy--it literally hurts inside--

We will be finding little boys up to their necks in empty boxes

And catching them being pretty naughty--they think I've pack all the boundaries and rules in our boxes for some reason!!

Teens who are packing up a storm--so excited to grow and celebrate, and serve Jesus in their next school and ministry--you should hear their excitement and JOY!!

Ashley's guitar in packing breaks

Phrases like, "Man!! This room is full of boxes--its like BOXLAND in here!!--lets hideout!!"--from Anders and Jack

When are we going already?--Bruik

"I was made for for LOooooove."--Ava singing

Ashley--our word girl in the midst of the newprint for packing--"Its a win-win situation you get to pack up AND read the comics!!"

EVERYONE ELSE--"Hurry up, Ashley!"

Bella the Ball Python (I think I just like to type her name for effect!)
on her way to another abode--Graham found a buyer!! Mama's pretty happy about this!!

A thousand million last minute details...

If you can help us load the truck on Wednesday give us a shout!!--We are looking for helpers!!

But... we ain't walkin' 1,200 miles!--this isn't so bad!--Let's load er up and go already!!


How lovely is your dwelling place,

O Lord Almighty!

My soul yearns, even faints,

for the courts of the Lord;

my heart and my flesh cry out

for the living God.

Even the sparrow has found a home,

and the swallow a nest for herself,

where she may have her young—

a place near your altar,

O Lord Almighty, my King and my God.

Blessed are those who dwell in your house;

they are ever praising you. Selah

Blessed are those whose strength is in you,

who have set their hearts on pilgrimage.

As they pass through the Valley of Baca,

they make it a place of springs;

the autumn rains also cover it with pools.

They go from strength to strength,

till each appears before God in Zion.

Hear my prayer, O Lord God Almighty;

listen to me, O God of Jacob. Selah

Look upon our shield, O God;

look with favor on your anointed one.

Better is one day in your courts

than a thousand elsewhere;

I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God

than dwell in the tents of the wicked.

For the Lord God is a sun and shield;

the Lord bestows favor and honor;

no good thing does he withhold

from those whose walk is blameless.

O Lord Almighty,

blessed is the man who trusts in you.

Psalm 84

Love, Gillian

Little Trips...

Jack--first on left with some friends.

It was an "Ah HA!" moment.

Truly the type that makes you stand a bit taller, listen more attentively, lean in a little closer,and review the message--rewinding to hear it again--for confirmation of a message that so matches what God has been speaking to Mommy and Daddy..."Yes, Lord? We're all ears!"...

This time it was little Jack (our Kindergartener) who took our breath away.

Cute little Jack,
With that swingy hair and the wide open eyes...
Little puppy one moment--little preacher the next!!

A group of the children had just exited our kitchen to play Stratego in the Family Room. Only Jack and I remained,--a rare moment-- sitting on the floor, leaning up against the dishwasher. The dishwasher--still working the grime off the night's dishes for 10--busily worked behind our backs as we took a moment to rest against its humming door. (oh, how thankful I am for my electronic helpers!!--I really should name them!!) :)

Jack snuggled in and then looked up with such an earnest expression--you know the one--the type that both breaks your heart and makes you willing to say yes to any reasonable request!--

"Mommy, I HAVE to ask you a question."
Yes, Jack? (sweet heart thump)
"Mommy, I need to know something.
Yes?
"I want to know if there REALLY is a Hell.
I can take it, Mommy. REALLY."

And looking into those eyes--seeing how the Truth would register--knowing the Truth--slayed MY heart too--tears rose and I glupped out,

Yes.
Jack.
There really is a Hell.

"OH, NO!!!
" Mommy,
" Mommmmy!
" You HAVE to TELL me...

"... What happens to people in Hell?"

My stomach sank--like I was hearing it for the first time...
Like I was realizing the finality for one of my friends or dear family member...
A face came to mind...Then another dear face...Then another!
Truth struck in the gut.

Well, Jack,

Big blue eyes fixed on mine...

Honey...They burn up.
It never ends.

"OOOOHHhhh, noooo! NOOOOOO!"
It wasn't that this information was unbelievable--his spirit was grieving. To hear pure grief for the lost crying out was Love's raw sound.

"But you have to help me TELL them."

Tell what?
To who?

"YOU HAVE to tell them everything!! So they won't burn up"
Who, Jack?
He names friends from his school.
"MOMMY, I KNOW--they DON'T know Jesus!--we have to TELL them!"

We pray for his friends, we go over the simple message of Jesus's love and good news for his friends. We agree to speak ALOT of how to tell his friends about the love and salvation of Jesus.

Then he sits up and gets out of my lap and leans forward on the floor and reaches over and puts my face in his chubby hands.

"Mommy, YOU don't know anyone who is going to Hell, do you?"

The room feels heavier...

Yes, honey I...

"NOOOOOOO!

"WHHHyyyyy? WHY hasn't anyone TOLD them???"

He just settled back on my lap and we rocked there together, aching for the lost--in tears over the lost that we know...that we live with and among...every day...

Praying, crying , rocking there...

--just burdened.

In a moment, Jack sat up straight--full of something to say.

"I got it! I know what to do!!"
And a gift of evangelism/missionary call was imparted...listen to this...

"I KNOW what to do. What we need to do is to get ALL the Bibles in the house and go to school and TELL everyone about Jesus... AND we need to make sure they have a Bible so that they can grow... THEN we need to go tell everyone in our City about Jesus and...(he stands up, really excited)...then we need to go on LITTLE TRIPS ALL around America and tell people about Jesus...

And Mommy, (he pauses) I really don't think SCHOOL is as important as telling people about Jesus SO I think i need to stop school for a while and just go on little trips to tell people about Jesus. ACTUALLLY...the WHOLE WORLD needs to hear about Jesus so we are going to need LOTS of bibles and are going to need to go on LOTS of trips all around the world to tell people.

(he earnestly thinks of another layer)

...And oh, oh,oh! SOME people in the world are HUNGRY and they need FOOD. And if you don't have FOOD you can't LISTEN very well. SO we are going to have to bring a WHOLE BUNCH of food and bibles on our little trips."

"Can we do it, Mom?"

"Can we go on little trips?"

And in that moment--especially after recently asking God in my own prayers for more of Himself for more of a burden for the lost--it was as if my prayer was answered with a new question put in its place--from the Master Himself--'what IS your answer? WILL you go...on these 'little trips'?'

' Well?'

I hugged Jack tight with the energy and Joy that only the Spirit of Jesus pours on and prayed an answer into his ear.

Mostly, was just knocked over that the Lord was suddenly birthing and displaying in my kitchen, after dinner, in one of my littlest sons--what Richard and I had been experiencing and asking for/waiting on in this past season of our walk...What we have been practicing walking out in our daily lives...while knowing...hearing...God is bringing more fullness to this...

Confirmation, awe, wonder, worship...

So, Jack goes to school the next day with Joy about telling his friends about the love of Jesus. The next day, he is down with an illness, and the next...and the next..He continues to talk of "little trips" filling out his vision...

A corner of my kitchen fills up with bags of bibles ...
and books--"cause the children that we are going to see need things to read"
FAVORITE toys and treasures
and boxes and cans of food too.

I do not forget, but there is a lull in time and life is full of many things to wonder over here in the midst of other ministry here at the Tucker camp...
I sign an illness note 3 days and a weekend after our first conversation and drive Jack up to the Elementary School after watching to see if he was well enough to head into the classroom that morning.

We enter the classroom to much attention.

"LOOK!! IT's JACK T. (there are 2 Jack's in the class and this is the way to keep them straight...)
"Jack T's back!!"

Our most wonderful, Ms. Fitch (we just LOVE her!) stops what she is doing to ask how Jack's trip around the world has been.

(I am not the quickest to think on my feet--just horrible at small talk or thinking quickly--just think she is making a reference to a fiction story or is playing pretend and I play to it with a feeble joke)

"No, Really, (Ms. Fitch is absolutely serious) "Jack TOLD all the boys and girls about his LITTLE TRIPS."

Ohhhhhh,my.

I'm hit with a wave of Wow and just am unable to speak.

...the boldness of my little boy--so clearly making Jesus known and believing what the Spirit has called him to...Just telling it like it is.

This time I answer more fully to his teacher...and store up wonder in my heart...
I hear the question again,

'WELL? What's your answer?'

...to be continued as God reveals more...

Love and Grace and "little trips",

Gillian